...You tell me...

Good morning bloggers...

Okay, here I am inside the exam hall for another invigilation..I have enough say about how much I hate invigilating, so I won't feed you with more hatred derived indirectly from me..It's not fair for me to invigilate everyday, and it's not fair for me to share with you my gloomy hours..

While I am invigilating, I came to think of something which is somehow quite disturbing..Maybe because I watched the Filipino movie last night..Okay, so, I think, in many ways, we come to know about ourselves by the choices we made..both in a large scale or a small interactions in our daily lives..We understand ourselves, and we define ourselves as someone who we think we are..We tend to identify ourselves as someone who behaves that way..

That is why, I think..Ok, I'm being a little opinionated here..not that I am, alright..The way one relationship ends has so much resonance to the next one..Okay, I'm struggling to put my thoughts into a well written and easy to understand entry here..hehe, I find it quite difficult..I have so many thoughts waiting to be let go..
anyway, the baggage we carry with us from one relationship to the next one has less to do with what happened to us..The fact is, if we really trust ourselves to handle any situation with self love, dignity, strength and compassion, we will carry no baggage...like no extra baggage on board..yeah..

If we left a relationship as a resentful person, we enter the next relationship looking for trouble..if we leave a relationship as someone who has been betrayed and taken advantage of, we enter the next relationship without trust...But..but..emm, if we can leave a relationship as someone who hears, understands and acts out of compassion for both ourselves and our partner, we enter the next relationship ready for love.. Hemm..as complicated as it may sound..It's again, all up to us..and how we want to carry it..So as to say, I don't wish to carry anything with me..

Now, I suppose, if we can use the dissolution of a relationship to define ourselves this way, we can move on freely..If that is not possible..like it's always is..we can expect to have to use the next one to again find an ideal version of ourselves..Wow..speaking like an expert..but, seriously..I'm as pathetic as the most pathetic person in the world..hehe..

Great feeling and I feel relieve after having said all these things..Now I can continue on with my invigilation..


I'm Bored to Death....

When boredom strikes and pigs fly in the sky..opss..Ok Ok..that was totally random..I swear, it won't happen again, at least not in this entry..hehe..Yup, I'm really bored and sleepy, I'm invigilating again, and it's not fun at all especially when you have almost 30 students in a medium sized class, and the aircond is not functioning the way it has to be..I feel suffocated, I need more air, and I'm all wet due to sweating..and I hate it..Luckily I don't have B.O problem..If only I do, it would be a total torture for the students..

Wheew..one more hour to go before the exam's over..it feels like ages..I'm losing my sanity, and losing my senses...This is what I will be facing with for the next few more days..emmm..

Anyway, my friends are going to the islands tomorrow, I'm sure they're going to have a great time there..I feel happy for them..Great..Guys take lots of pics ya..and bila kamu balik sini kasi post la tu gambar tu kasi share2 sama org yg ndakapigi..Huh..Safe journey to all of you, and wish you have a great cuti2 Malaysia...

....pengsan jap lagi ni...

Check This Out

My boss sent this to me thru e-mail..hehe..Somehow, I think it's quite true...

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top!!

Exam Week

Happy Monday everyone..Another week, another adventure or another dull routines..Well, I'm always prepared for anything..Come on Bring it on..Hehehe..April has been very hectic for me to say it softly, I have been pretty much occupied since the begining of the month, with the student's trips, completing my syllabus, marking assignments, and preparing my teaching profiles for next semester..See, I do have things to do..and of course, it's all about time management..

Now, it's the exam week..I'm not sure whether I like it or not..Well, basically there's nothing much to do during the exam week, no class, no more marking assignments, and no more teaching files to do..(proud that I have done mine)..but, we have to invigilate for the examinations..ask me if it's fun?? I can seriously bang my head on the edge of the table now and puke..The exam hall is never a place I imagine myself to be..But, then again..where am I at the moment??? INVIGILATING!! hehe...Can't complain much coz they they have given me the room with free internet connection..Yehaaaa..

It's funny to see the students (almost 30 of them), trying to escape their eyes from me..Well, in this medium sized classroom, I can't possibly walk around to check on them, but, I can see each and everyone clearly, so if they think, they are clever enough to cheat, by all means, go ahead, I just sent one students out of the room for having his notes with him 30 minutes after the exam started..and there's nothing to be proud of..rules are rules and it is my responsibilty to do justice to everyone...One word for this guy..DON"T CRY..MOVE ON!!! you can always take it back next semester...Too bad..

There are only 5 students left..It's either they are really good, or they have no idea on how to answer the questions..Anyway, it's fine with me..I can stay here for three hours, as long as I can get to use the computer and the internet connection..hehehe

Chow dulu la..ngantuk pulak...

Hujan lagi

hujan yang turun bagaikan mutiara..huh!! Langsung tidak..hujan yg turun bagaikan satu tanda petang ni tidak dapat main tenis lagi..Tension tul ni hujan...Sudah la penat2 sa cuci tu kereta tadi, hujan la pulak..Mau marah tu hujan pun teda guna..Let it be..let it be ja la..nasib baik kogutan di kepala ku sudah hilang, buli la sa pi jalan2 di KK ni kalau begini..haha..

Right..I'll be back blogging next week, for now..sa mau rest and rejuvenate saja...

babai smua..

KOGUTAN @ Hangover

Hangover..What a waste of time..It's true, especially when you have not drank that much the night before..and you have this stupid hangover to last you for one whole day..and seriously, I hate lounging around the house aimlessly, or watch mindless Tv or sleep..It is such a waste of quality time..This is where I am at the moment, I could have brought the dogs out for a little walk, but I'm too busy trying to get un-nauseated and truly regretting that last shot of "mike, one more set, please"...ok, I'm not so much of a drinker anymore, I used to be..hehe..Well, my time has passed..

Here are my hangover tips and take them for what they are..some kind of work..most of the time. Some would say, you could not drink in the first place,but that isn’t any fun, is it? hehe...I'm not sure though if these would help you out..

1. Drink lots and lots of water when you're drinking...hehe, a good rule, but it's just hard to follow...

2. Eat before you start drinking..When you go out drinking with an empty stomach, you'll get drunk faster, and the next day you'd feel that devil trying to get out of your head..

3. Drink more water before you go to bed..That is if you're not that drunk, in my case..emm, no, I'll be going straight to be without even taking off my shoes..Kidding..and its always wise to put some water by your bed, just in case you'd feel dehydrated while sleeping..

4. The next morning, drink some more water, and eat..Something with carb is always good..emmm, o ya, ngau chap is good too..But, not all the time, especially if you have high blood pressure like some people I know la..hehe

5. If you don't want to get hangover, you shouldn't be drinking in the first place..so the best tip ever..Don't drink and get drunk..Senang, abis cerita..hehe

The most important thing is (if you have deadly hangover)..just keep moving, although you would wanna sleep all the time..take a quick walk, and they say, a walk by the sea really helps, well maybe because of the fresh air and the calming ocean sounds..Oouch..Going to the beach is not in my options..I would rather take my dogs who have had hardly any sleep all night, because when I came back at around 2, I'm talking to them on top of my voice..Thats what my poor dogs have to go through..Good thing is, they love me no matter what I do..Or they might take revenge and wake me up at 5am..hehe

Adios .. You have a nice day today ya..while I continue my sleep..hehe

tears and rain......

It's been a while too since I managed to squeeze in some time to read other people's blogs and chat with folks..It's good to know what they are up to..I find some blogs very informative,and less judgemental, and some of them very dramatic, just like mine, hehe.. However, today, it rained... all afternoon and most of the evening, and so I took the chance to read as many as I can..Seriously, I can go on and on reading entries after entries, and never get bored..Well, having said that, I'm only attracted to read those blogs which are attractive only..hehehe..Well, most of them are..

Rain brings us time to reflect and express ourselves to ourselves, for the simple reason that there isn't anyone else to express ourselves to...I remember, being a small boy, I enjoyed the rain, but not now, not anymore, I hate it when it rains in the afternoon

well, forget about the rains..let's talk about tears..Hehehe..Suddenly Susan...!!! Can tears be so forlorn as the rains? Can the rains be as cleansing as tears for one's very soul?..seriously, I don't know what does rain has to do with tears..Perhaps maybe it's just a symbolic, or methaporically saying..when it rains, you don't get to play tenis, and you're sad..emm..you tell me..

anyway, its not raining anymore..now I can go out to meet some friends..


thoughts and nothingness

It has been a while...haven't been able to let my words flow out like it did before...have lost the spontaneity...there are times when I was too overwhelmed with feelings, and there are times when I am not sure that I can feel at all...Which side am i inclined towards right now? Ironically, I think both sides..at intervals, and that is so exhausting that i think at times that im going mad..Anyway..what I really wanted to say was..I am still here..still alive..

You see, I love blogging, I think I'm addicted to it, as much as I am addicted to nicotine..and I think that is not healthy..I mean, being a nicotine addict..Anyway, blogging somehow rather keeps me innate with my innerself..It has never came across my mind to let people know what is happening in my life..Coz, some of them, or perhaps maybe..most of them are too personal..but, anyway, I get overwhelming feedbacks and comments from my readers and it makes me feel a lot better..Since I don't talk to anyone about my personal matters since long ago..Not really long..on a face to face basis..Blogging helps me to say the things I've been needing to say and the things that keeps on bugging me everyday..

Random thoughts..that's what I've been feeding you with all these while..and I'm comfortable writing things like these..I like being spontaneous, but sometimes, I just don't know what to write..I guess we all, at some points, we will find ourselves redundant and lost for words..

O well, nothing really matters..each and everyone of us has our own topics of interest to share with, we shouldn't feel obligated to write something of an intelect only, it's all up to you..Everything is simpler than you think, and at the same time more complex than you can imagine...Cheers all...


I was checking on my friendster few minutes ago, and suddenly I'm deeply troubled by something..Not that there's anything wrong, but going thru all the friendster's list of friends (so called, some are really my friends) that I have, I realize that I have so many friends..and yet, I feel like I have none..and I received new friends request almost everyday, and some I don't have the choice but to reject..I don't mean to be rude, but..hey, I respect you for being friendly, but I don't actually know you..so, what good does it bring if I add you up in my friends list? I know some friends who have like hundreds and maybe thousands friends in their friendster..and I wonder do they really know all of them? or..maybe by having that many friends would make them popular or something?? Seriously I don't get it..

I checked most of my real friend's profiles to see what they are up too..and again I realized, it has been long since I don't send them any message and yet they are my friends..and I wonder, what's the purpose of having a friendster's profile if you don't go and check on your friends on a regular basis..

I'll try to do justice on my side whenever I can la..bingung..tidur dulu..

Let's go Diving...

Scuba diving has been in my list of things to do in life for very long time already, and I don't have the chance to do so until recently a friend has offered me a great deal..and I'm not going to miss this one..Well, this friend of mine is working with a travel agency..I'm not sure, maybe it's his travel agency, and they are throwing lots of promotions..He told me that if I can get at least 5 people who want to take their diving license, he will give me free diving course..Damn..That was like the greatest deal ever, and that is even easier than 'masak megi'..I mean to get those 5 people..When I told my colleagues, 4 of them seriously want, and will definitely join in..and for me to get another person? lets just say, I already have all 5..hehe..Free diving lesson??? yeah..great...

So, it's gonna be next month, right after our exam week is over..and actually I was kinda dissappointed because I can't make it to Mabul, Sipadan and Kapalai with the group at the end of this month..I wish I could go..But, emm..Let's put it this way..If you go to sipadan, or mabul and you don't dive...It's really a waste of time and money..Well, the experience is a different thing, but..I want to dive..Really, and I will only go there once I have my diving license..Hehe..

Underwater photography?!!! whoooa!! I go nuts just talking about this..So, I'm gonna cross my fingers, wishing every second of my life that none of this 5 people will back off in the last minute..I will surely gonna kick their ass that they won't be able to sit normally ever again..I'm serious...

Well, it's funny that I have butterflies in my stomach, I thought you have it only when you're in love..But..that was definitely my another random thoughts..I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking that I'm going to be a certified diver..haha..so much expectations, and nothing happen yet..Well, maybe I'm just being over excited and I'm afraid it will never be realized..Just try to understand that this is super fun, super special, and in a way, due to my love of the water, depth, diving, ocean life, ughh!! almost spiritual..

Can't hardly wait....

enjoying life...

I will write some of my random thoughts again today, it has been like very long since I last log in to my blogspot..Well, not that long actually..But when you use to do that on daily basis, and suddenly you didn't for few days, it feels like it has been ages..Anyway, I was quite busy lately, now that our exam is fast approaching and I have to mark all the assignments and project papers..I don't seem to have enough time to get everything done on time..Need to learn time management, coz, I think, I don't manage my time wisely..too much with the "go with the flow" philosophy..Now, I realized that, it's better to plan..Spontaneity sucks sometimes..

I have had a week so wonderful that I honestly can’t completely believe it. I mean, I have been so blessed and I’ve done nothing to deserve it. I mean, there was a point in my life that I was looking back at all the fun times of the past and wondering if I would get a chance to make some again. And I realized, I have always been blessed with love, joy and happiness. I got to hang out with friends and have more fun than is humanly possible..

Last Saturday, we went out for an initially short drinking session but then, few friends joined in we had a real blast in that otherwise boring place..Those few friends I had only met once on an Island hopping trip we had recently..New we're good friends..Sunday afternoon, we had a photography sessions..TOo bad, it was raining like mad cows..hehe..anyway, it was fun though..I'm still no good with the dSLR camera..I have to learn a lot..

Alright la, I wish I could write more, but, seriously..Now I have to go..Adios mi amigos..


the girl who was kidnapped recently is now in Keningau Hospital..I've mentioned that she was raped, but..actually it was not confirmed yet..so, hopefully, it was just a rumour...


Has it ever occurred to you how much your ego, and emotions control your perspective of the things happening to you and around you? Have you ever wondered about how you might perceive things if you could be a fly on the wall that could move around and see all the angles and views of a situation, and the people involved playing their parts as it is unfolding, so you could understand better what is happening, without your own personal heart, logic, exhaustion, needs, anger and ego getting in the way?

You could be amazed at how differently you can see things when you really start letting go of your own personal point of view, and allow yourself to see the other person’s perspective, and really taking the time to look deep down inside your soul to find the answers to what is fueling your own fears so much, and what those fears really are.

Let go of your inner critics for once and be more human...


Romantic Adonis Made for Erotic Stimulation and Hugs

Get Your Sexy Name

ughh..this one is more sexual I think..but, sounds cool, aight...hehe


Not in a mood of blogging right now..Maybe later..Cheers buddies...

Have a nice day today...

RED ALERT part 2

The girl who was kidnapped last night in Kingfisher has been found somewhere along Tambunan - Keningau road..She was safe, at least..but, from the source, I was informed that she has been hit and raped..a suspect has been detained so far to help in with further investigations..A Bajau from KB is the only suspect they have now..I really hope that the culprits will be put to jail and hang to death..or cut their genitals so that they will never again be able to 'sextify' themselves..(Sextify - my own terminalogy for sex maniacs)..

This is not the kind of news that we love to hear..I'm sick and tired of reading all the crime issues in the newspapers that I have stopped reading them..Now..who are we going to blame? sure the police can't be there with us 24/7,and certainly we cannot blame them..but..They can actually come up with some preventive measures..How many policemen are there in this country? and I'm sure, there are thousands new recruits every year..Stationed them in all areas..especially those areas with high crime acts..Seriously, I don't know..I wish, everyone would be more alert and more careful..O damn..This is hard to predict, we would never know when bad thing is going to happen..

now, read this story..A wake up call to all the policemen in the whole world..

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

Sad isn;t it??

A TAGGER tagged me...AGAin..

woohooo..this is like..what?? another tag? but, hey..no fuss!! This is good, I mean I wasn't jumpping up and down, but this one is fun..yeah, I run thru the questionaires and I kinda like them..REALLy..Ughhh..Thanks Arteo..Wait till I tag you ya..hehehe

So here I go again..This time about being an eligible bachelor..O yess..I'm still eligible..TBA when I'm not anymore..hahaha..

(bilang most eligible bachelor, tapi ada gambar sama anak..opss..Pok silap ni..psst)

1. Things you can't live without...
- my cellphone
- my wallet (eventhough I don't have much in it..)
- and of course the air that I breathe every single second of my life...

2. What is the sweetest thing a girl has done for you...
- If you're talking about a girl, then..There's nothing..If you say, a woman..Then..it would be..she brought me into this world..Thanks mum..

3. The most daredevil thing I have done was...
- the bungy jump..and I wanna do it again..and again..and again..and I lied..

4. What's one thing you're glad you have outgrown...
- emm..last time when I was studying, I have lots of piercing all over my ears, and basically my face..My friends called me 'kambing'..but, seriously I thought that was cool..now I realized, when I saw youngster with studs all over his face I'll say.."ciss cam kambing ja.."..Did I answer the question right?..

5. your biggest mistake was...
- to fall in love with the same girl twice..and it ended up terribly..

6. which actor would play you in a movie about your life...
- Adam sandler..No explanation, I think we have few things in common..HAHAHA..feel like vomiting now? Go ahead..hehhe

7. If you are a product, how would your advertising campaign read...
- Save your money for something else..Coz,I don't thing I'm good as a human, what for being a product..sure can't sell one laa..hehehe

8. Would you date a good friend's ex?...
- I would never do it again..I've gone thru it twice..and I won't be that stupid anymore this time..

9. A woman makes me nervous when...
- she says nothing at all..and there were only us..Damn..Complete nervous breakdown..

10. your most annoying habit...
- I tend to delay my work..I always do things last minute..and that is not wise at all..

11. What could a woman do more of?...
- shut up and listen..la la la la

12. Why do women..
- smell sometimes..Yeah, like one of my colleagues..Why aa?? why..?

13. My life mission is to...
- live another year this year..and I hope I'll get thru to next year..and the next next years..

14. The best thing I have done for myself (till now) is...
- raise 4 puppies...

wow..sound so selfish kan..naa, tag la sa lagi...hehehe

(version yg teda anak, anak di rumah tidur..)

damn them to hell...

I am sick and tired of petty, shallow people who love to create drama and make everyone feel bad. These people love to stir things up, slight people and make themselves feel big by TRYING to make others feel small.

I wish they would get a clue and realize that money, cars, status and their skewed values are not what makes a person "great". All the plastic surgery in the world can not make a petty, bitchy, shallow person beautiful....


So Arteo..You really like this tagging game hah??? Ok..I'll do it..Huh...Hehehe..Alright, I have been tagged by Arteo..I was contemplating whether to do it or not, since the questions are little bit too funny..Hahaha..Well, this is only a game, and as a game, it should be played..Ok..Here I go..

- A unit in Golden Hill, preferably corner Lot..(Baru ko tau..)
- 2 Siberian Husky puppies, Grey eyes..Pair aa..Female and Male
- Toyata Wish...(I need a bigger car to bring my puppies out..hehe)
- Grand Piano...la la la la
- Shell card for free fueling..(heaven la kalau ada..)

Dr.Roddy Teo @ Arteo...

- Melancholic
- Depressed all the time
- I think, he's in love...emmm..I guess
- Eats alot??...opss
- Easy and fun going person..

- he taught me how to use the Canon dSLR camera..and he looked after my labrador while I trained my other dog..hehehe

'Bro, can I be Rocky's godpup??"..Ughhh..can you imagine that? hehe

grow my hair long...HAHAHAHA...No la..ADa ka Mcm tu punya soalan..Sa Ban ni soalan mcm ni..HAHHAHAH

He kidnapped my puppies..and sell them in Gaya Street..

Alright..I have done my part..Hehe..This is good, see, it helps me to come up with something..I don't wish to tag anyone at the moment..I'll think of something different..Later..hehhe



Attention to all my dear readers..I received few messages from friends last night..


This is such a shocking and disturbing news..I hope she would be safe and found..Let's all pray for her safety and hope she will be found very soon...

Hari Satu....

I haven’t blogged in a few days. I have so much to say, but I don’t exactly know how to say any of it? I don’t want to complain, and I don't want to brag either.. Well, if I was to summarized what I have done in the past few days, I would be able to come up with something, probably a long and winding entry..and I don't actually love to write those kind of entry..Boring, right!! Telling people what you have done, or what you have eaten, where you have been..I mean, that would be the easiest post..and I do write like that most of the time, emm..all the time, maybe..hehehe..Well, nevermind..as long as I have something to talk about..Remember, I said, it's kind of a responsibility for me to update my blog as frequent as possible..Hehehe..It's like my second job..and oo yes, I love this one better than teaching..Duh!!!

Today's Monday..I always look forward to Mondays. I know this is strange and weird, but hear me out, will you?.. Mondays for most people it is the hardest day back at work, some will refer it as 'Black Monday', or 'Monday Blues', for me this is Sunday..Hehehe.. While you will disagree, Saturday seems to get swept away in doing things around the house, or yeah, waking up late..finalizing plans for Sunday, or spending time with family, in my case, with my dogs..Now Monday on the other hand is a time of relaxation and reflection. It’s nice to have the house to myself (well and the dogs) and be able to sit around and do literally nothing..And I always look forward for Monday because it means I wouldn't have to plan anything..I'll wake up, go to work, pack up, go home and sleep early..whoo ooo..

I really don't have anything to complain about Monday, or about anything at all in life..(ok, something mostly maybe..Like winning the Jackpot prize..Just once..plssssss)..Now, it's already 3 pm, and in a short while, I would be home..No big deal about Monday being 'black and blues'..hehe..

How Romantic I am?

I took the Love Test posted in Jr's blog..for fun only laa..and my score was


Average ja bah..nda berapa romantik la ba kunun tu..Well, I guess its true..I'm not a romantic kind of guy..But, I love deeply..Hahaha..Anyway, here's what the test has to say about my romanticism level..Basically, I think..most of them explain my real personality..Opss..Haha..Now that you know..

You appear to have a well-balanced romantic self. While you may get flutters in your stomach when you meet someone you are very attracted to, you do not let your romantic-self entirely dictate how you proceed (this is very true).. You will ask yourself if there is a chance this relationship will work before allowing yourself to fall in love (actually, not really asking la). Even if you feel a romantic connection is viable from a practical sense, you will not just allow yourself to be swept away.

You do not have many illusions about love (trueeeeee...I'm not an illusionist, I'm more of visionary kind of guy). While you may feel a very deep attachment to someone, you know love rarely conquers all. You know successful relationships take work and compromise and a desire by those involved to make their relationship work. Candlelight dinners and words of endless love may be nice, but they don't pay the bills or get the dishes washed (True again, If only they do, I wouldn't have to work, hehehe).

The middle ground on the romanticism scale is neither entirely safe nor entirely lackluster. However it does not carry the weight of a romantic failure based upon being swooped off your feet. Nor is the middle ground so devoid of romanticism that you feel like you are living with a sibling. Also, there is quite a bit of evidence that with your outlook on romanticism your relationship has a very good chance of succeeding (see, emmm..I have no say..I've been in and out of love..hahaha).

Funny how this can be quite true..see, we really don't need consultant these days..The internet is good enough already..hehe

..wala lang...

Most of the time, I really admire those bloggers out there who can really write a good enntry.. I wish (yeah, I wish), I could blog like that..Or atleast blog better..hehe..I'm sure it will make the whole process of reading it more fun and enjoyable. Sometimes, I could spend hours reading a good book or an interesting blog but I would not enjoy reading blogs that somehow does not interest me..I'm sure, you wouldn't too, right..!!. Well, anyway, I do not blog because I want to show off, it doesn't really matter to me, if I have a reader or not..This is totally because I simply like writing, and I realize this is the best way to pass my otherwise boring life..hehehe..and through blogging, I could actually see how one person acts, feels or thinks by the way they write and I have to say, I can never ever write like those people. Simply because I am lack of imaginative and creative skills.. I sometimes rather not blog with pictures because I find it way too time consuming to upload pictures and resize them, and put them in my photobucket..But, then, that's what I have been doing so much lately..hehe..Seriously, I don't understand myself sometimes..hehehe..

I’m bored seriously. Not with blogging. I’m bored with myself. I wish I could revamp myself with skills and characteristics that I wish I could have in me. I want to be hardworking, but..Yeah, I guess I'm not committed enough..I mean, with my job, I don't know why, I've tried my best to really really really love my job, but, I always find myself doing the same old things..Sometimes, I think I can really change my habits, and it continues on for few days, then, the next thing I realized, I'm doing my old routines again..Duh!!! Its stupid to wish, but I bet most of us want so many things in life, but it comes back to square one where we don’t even bother to improve. Because I’m that kind of person. I want to change but I don’t bother to put enough efforts. I guess I’m just plain lazy and its the disease that can’t be cured.

Somebody...Help Me....

Desperado indeed in need of help..

Hahahaahahaha..Well, don't bother me..This is just me being over dramatic again with life..

cuba2 jadi pengulas...

Well, I have to admit, I watch American Idol every Wednesday..The only reason I watch it because, all the contestants are soooo damn good..Not like our desperate artist wannabes in Akademi Fantasia..They suck big time..I think, only Stacy deserve to be called an artist..maybe because she is..

anyways..I managed to listen and watch the American Idols performed via Rickey.org..so, this evening, I don't have to watch it anymore..Enough..I've seen it all..hehehe..and now, I would like to share my opinions..Forgive me if I'm wrong..but, this is what I feel, and think about their performances today..

Honestly, I was expecting a droll night of one ballad after another, but, I was quite surprised by some of their performances..

Micheal John was on a roll..He picked up another fitting song for his inpirational number with Aerosmith's 'Dream On'..While I don't quite see him as a rocker, but he turned to be a good performer..I think, he has always been actually..And, while the others sang, those pretty boring ballads, Micheal stood out..Fantastic..

Also chasing on a good song choice was Jason Castro, who finally stepped up and do his weird but believeable rendition of "somewhere over the rainbow"..To be frank, I think Jason is just OK, I mean his voice is not that fantastic to compare with the others but, I think he has this kind of charm..Good looking..Maybe not, maybe yes..Anyway, his rendition of 'somewhere over the rainbow' was just different but well done..For that, I think he should get some votes..Keep it up..

Following the performance from Jason is Kristy Lee Cook who I think is going wiser with her song choices..Anyway, I think, her rendition of "Away" by Martina McBride has showcased her voice, and she was able to bring out the emotion of the song very well..I'm sure she will be safe for another week, or maybe more weeks..

On the other hand, song choice might not have worked in for David Cook's favor..what was the song again? Oo he chose a pretty unique song 'Innocent' by Our Lady Peace..(never heard that song before)..I like the beat of the song, but seriously I wasn't blown up with his performance which ended with a message on his palm "Give Back"..I hope, next week he would choose a better song..One of my favourites actually..

Brooke White has picked up Carol King's song ' you've got a friend'..and her performance was enjoyable..I was happy to see her without her instrument..But, I'm being truthful, she has turned the song rather sad than being inspirational..She has to work harder if she wants to stay in that competition..

Another performance which I think didn't go quite well was from Syesha Mercado..She picked another big ballad by former Idol winner 'I Believe' Fantasia Barrino..I wasn't move by the song..I agree with Randy and Simon that she has failed to connect herself with the song..Her emotion was missing..(I think, it would be her turn this time..)

Carly Smithson..Ughh..she's one of my favourite..But I won't be bias..You see, I'm a big fan of Queen..She started with good potential with the whole ochestra in the background..After she sang the song, I was still wondering where she was trying to go with it..

Finally, David Archuleta sang 'Angels' by Robbie Williams..Ok, I might be the minority here..(I know everyone is head over heels on him, not me..)but, seriously, I'm not enthusiastic about his performance..Well, it was ok..I have heard others sing much better than him..Even Gidong can sing it better..Hahahaha..I'm not saying that he performed it badly, because it wasn't..It just didn't leave me with a great impression..That was forgettable, tomorrow I would not be able to remember it anymore..and in this stage of the game, they should have done something memorable..

In the bottom three:
1..David Archulta
2..Carly Smithson
3..Syesha Mercado...



I was sitting in my living room tonight, reflecting back on the past week, trying to figure out what to write tonight..looking for that common theme to wrap around everything that’s happened in the past six days..But, I guess, I have covered everything.. And I realized that this week has shown me all those things that I (maybe you too) tend to take for granted. Things that I could have done, or things that I could have done better..Well, practically, I have been updating my blog on daily basis, except for Saturday and Sunday, coz, these two days are my day of rest..I would only check what's going on with you guys by reading your blogs, and reply some messages, if any..Most of my time will be devoted to my lovely 'kids' if you know what I mean..

Anyway, these things are in my top priority of concerns..

The Internet: It has been very important to me these days, and I'm still learning on how to use it effectively, I tell you, I learn the hard way, well, not really, hehee. We lost the Internet connection in the office sometime after 2 p.m.today. It never came back. It’s amazing how isolated I feel when I'm used to being able to have the world at my fingertips. The phone company promised it will be fixed by Monday. What???!!! How am I going to survive?? (over dramatic), anyway..I’ll believe it when I see it..For the time being, I could only go online at home..Good enough..

Feeling good: The trip to the islands has been wonderful..Making new friends is a blessing..and I would love to do this kind of activities more often..It makes me feel really good to hang out with friends who share the same interest..There are lots of things to be talked about, from camera and photography, nature, entertainments, sports, education, politics, economics..You name it..

Sunshine: Enough said..I think we have pretty fair weather conditions..We have both..rains and sunshines..

That one good friend: You know, the one you call and end up talking to way too long on the phone. The one who SMSes you like a million times a day just to know if you have taken your lunch, dinner and such.. The one that puts up with all your emotional swings. Laughs with you, but,never at you. That you look forward to seeing, even on a bad day. Who you can carry on a lengthy, meaningful conversation with using nothing but song lyrics. That kind of friend. I’d been so caught up in my own complicated life that I’d forgotten I had one of those. And I remembered how lucky I am..That one good friend who worth sacrificing your life for..(damn..stop being dramatic..hehehe)

My Puppies: They are the love of my life..they wake me up in the morning so I won't be late for work, they jump up around me when I get home..They cheer me up eventhough they are just lying sleeping on the floor..and mostly, they are my true faithful companions when nobody is there for me to talk to..They understand me more than some people do..and I understand them like no one could ever do..(am I doing it again?? huh)

Work: Nothing much to be proud of..Being appointed as one of the exam committee members is like a curse..Now I have to go for meetings and more meetings with the other lecturers..Set up new rules and regulations + making sure they follow all the standardized format for exam papers and teaching files = less time for myself..and I hate it with all the veins I have in my body..(can't help it...)

Excercise: I do it whenever it is possible for me to do so..The rain has been really cruel these days..I wonder why it has to come in the afternoon..?? why??..I shouldn't be complaining..Indoor exercise kan ada..hehehe

Sleep: Something I haven’t gotten nearly enough of lately. So I think I’m gonna go to bed early tonight..as my reward for making it through this week. Maybe this week I’ll actually finish my to-do list. Maybe..I don't even remember what are the things I wrote in my to-do-list..do I have any, at all?? emm..let me check..hehehe

I don't know what to call this kind of entry..maybe, I'll just call it 'siborexky'..What?? don't give me that smirk..It's my entry, I choose what I want to call it..kan..hehehe..Adios mi amigos..Mata ashita kakimasu..

Forget it..

There are times that I wish that I just had Alzheimer’s disease or permanent memory lost so that I could just forget whatever heartache or whatever pain it is that struck my heart..and forget all those people who have insignificant effect to my life anymore..Just in a glimpse, I just want to forget every memory of it. However, having said that, I know, the downfall of this is the fact that the good memories could be erased too..and I still want to cherish them..

I say, just give me regret as long as I can have all those precious times stored at the back of my mind. I know that somehow, time will come that I would no longer be regretful of the things that I did not do or the things that I have done. I wish life could be more simpler than this..But, anyway, I'm a good pretender..

IGNORE...that's the best I could do..

Island Hopping...

Last Sunday few friends and I went to the nearby Tunku Abdul Rahman islands..It was a bright Sunday morning, and everyone was already waiting (patiently) for us to come..Yeah, we were late by few minutes this time..Hehe..You might think that I'm crazy, I've just came back from pulau 3, and now, mau pi pulau lagi..Cissh..Tambah itam la diriku yg memang nda berapa cerah ni..To the hell with skin care now, I don't care, it was an opportunity for me, I would not be able to find a group of people like this who love the islands, love diving, and love snorkerling..

There were 11 of us..I only knew Kupi, PS, and Well..The rest were strangers, but now we are friends..Well, making friends isn't hard to do, I won't take long to see or to consider someone's worthy of my friendship..It comes easily to me..I have no criteria, I have no rules, as long as they are genuine..why not..You are my friend...hehehe..

First we went to Malahom Bay..it's somewhere near Gayana Resort..there's nothing much there actually, it was very quiet and peaceful, there were only us..We stayed for half an hour and we proceed to Sapi Island..I have never known, that there are few resorts in Gaya Islands..and for the first time saw the Police Beach that I have heard few if not many times in my life..Nice..my next outing with students would be to the Police Beach..

Those of you who have been to Sapi Island, you would know what a beatiful island it is..clear blue water, rich marine life, white sandy beach, and practically nice resort..and popular among the foreigners..But Beware folks..The Jelly fish season is back..tu la sa nda mau lama2 di dalam laut tu..Too dangerous..but anyway, banyak gambar sa ambil tapi nda clear, I really need to use my lenses next time..HUhuhu..Too bad..tingu ja la gambar kamiurang ni kio..



punya men banyak dorang ni di Pualau Sapi...

Ni pun banyak..ferghhh..sorry..

yg ni satu org ja la..hehehe

Balik Kampung

Finally, the long promised was at last being fulfilled, eventhough it was only a short visit kind of 'balik kampung'..But..stilllll..It counts..Hehehe..I've just came back from Pulau tiga the day before and I was still feeling very tired, obviously due to lack of sleep..Yeah, I need lots of sleeps..Remember I told you about, me camping? That wasn't fun at all, I mean, it could be fun, if it wasn't too hot, even during the night..I couldn't sleep at all..Something that I won't miss about the trip..

Alright, no more Pulau 3 story, this is about me going back to my parents..It was last Saturday that I finally 'balik kampung'..Before that, I managed to bring Rocky for his first vaccination..only after that, I drove home with all my four puppies and si Jr..Nasib baik la ada si Jr kalau nda, it would be impossible for me to handle all four of them..huh..

The drive to Kota Belud seemed to be so long, and everyone was sleepy, even Rocky was sleeping all the way thru..Well, it was good that he didn't get car sick like bobby last time..I'm proud of you boy..

When I finally reached home, everyone was excited, especially my niece Jen Jen..My mum was in the kitchen preparing lunch, wanted so much to help but, my aunt was also there, so I think my culinary skills aren't required..furthermore, I miss my mum's cooking..Kalau sa punya masakan, sa mau muntah2 sudah tu..

I don't know, if it was just me or the place of my childhood..Not really as I remember it was..When I think of home, that place where I spent most of my childhood..visions of picturesque views flash in my mind..Lush greens, peaceful running river, high hills, wide fields..But, now, whenever I visit the same old place as an adult, I noticed the wide fields I used to roamed as a kid are not really wide, the river not as peaceful anymore, and the hills are not as high..

I notice the changes in the place I call home, but more than that, I also notice the disparity between what I remember of it and what the place now seems. Sad enough, the place I remember, changes in every visit..I miss my childhood, I miss the past..this is the time I take to cherish my moments as I was growing up..and I'd also like to add to that, the one who has left is not the same person who goes home. For, sometime between one’s leaving and coming home, no matter how short the time interval is, one undergoes changes...and changes it is all about..I just let that tear of melancholic joy of recall fall..

I think, when we were younger, we were free, and unriddled. that, probably, helped us perceive vastness in even the smallest of crannies. like how we could spend away whole afternoons running and playing. Now, even if we have a whole beach to ourselves, we find the space is too big, since we have too much bottled up within us..Again, that's how life is..Things change..

Well, before I drag myself to be more melancholic, I think I would just stop here..I would like to end my entry today by sharing with you some of the pics I have taken masa balik kampung.."chewah, mcm buat presentation di kelas ja pulak sa rasa ni"..

new "highway"..hehe

my nephew..Nathaneal Noah

my niece..Vellonia Esjane @ Jen Jen..

that's my mum and sister..

that's my dad..blur sikit the pic..hehe

That's my karabau..hehe..no la, someone's buffalo..

mana ada di kk mcm ni..

I think I should go home more often..huhu

Pulau 3

The last four days has been a bleesing..and I have so many things to share with you today..I'll try my best to documents everything here, but, you know it is not possible..I mean, I can, but..I'll keep the detail to myself..Hehehe..

Well, I would like to thank you for praying, it didn't rain when we were in Pulau Tiga..The weather has been terrific..On the way to Kuala Penyu, we passed miles and miles of rolling countryside, much of it with light secondary forests and occassionally traversing the small 'kampungs', with their small paddy farms and fruit orchards. Many of the dense primary forest has long dissapeared as the trees have been rapidly chopped down and relentlessly fed to the hungry mills for the constructions, furnitures, and wood-making industries,..Adding to our restlessness inside the slow moving van..A slow,and cheap transportation which everyone has agreed upon..Now Shut up students, it was your choice, right...hehe..Anyway, apparently we had a good time, we arrived in Kuala Penyu at around 11am..

Since I have been to pulau 3 before, I know pretty much of what to expect, and I was there for the odd photogenic spots..Yeah, its true, you could almost point your camera anywhere and get a fantastic pictures..Upon arrival at the jetty of Pulau Tiga, just about 30 minutes relaxing boat ride from the mainland Kuala Penyu, we were greeted greeted by clear turquoise waters and an endless stretch of white sandy beach..A perfect and spactacular view..

Emm...actually I'm not so much in the mood of writing right now, can I just show you the pics?? Hehehe..Enjoy the pics ya..What can I say about our trip to Pulau tiga is..FANTASTIC..AMAZING..ENJOYABLE







too sleepy to write more..adios..

stop wishing for the stars...

The most important path to joy for me is to be able to find the ability to live in the present. Worrying about what is to happen in the future, what may happen, and what has happened only acts to keep us out of touch with our current situation and the desires present within us. The only time that matters is now. All the planning for future joy, will be to no avail, if at the moment you can’t allow yourself the time to sit in the present and search within for the joy which currently awaits your acceptance..

For so long I have wished upon stars, and waited for my day to come. I have sat waiting and thinking that the future is where all my dreams will be offered to me. Always, I was looking to the future, as I constantly followed the belief that eventual financial and romantic success will lead me to joy. This year, I have begun to learn that the joy I so often wished upon stars for, is available daily and is offered to me consistently. As I offer time to myself, through prayers and understanding my personal self, I leave the worries of the past and future goals behind. The more quiet I can make my mind, the clearer my path is open for me..It's just a matter of time..

What I have noticed within my own learnings, is that most of the thoughts I had running through my mind dealt with situations which were possibly going to arise, or already had. I allowed myself to create unnecessary anxiety, as everything I was worrying of was in the realm of the uncontrollable...and I often found myself trying to keep up with everything..It's not easy when all I want is simplicity..

I believe that we are not here to complete tasks..(and as I was writing this sentence, I was reminded of a song we sang in church last time..it goes like ' Go Ye therefore and teach all nations, go go go..and baptizing them in the name of the Father and Son, and Holy Ghost"..I wasn't talking about this 'tasks' though..) We are here to take advantage of all the moments we have, and fulfill all of our innermost desires. Although I write with conviction on this subject matter, the fact is that I am not where I want to be. The concept is so simple that it becomes baffling to accept. The main goal is just to let go to the 'present', and act upon pure intuition..and not being dependent on acceptance or self judgment.

From every mistake, I am faced with the reality that it is just one moment which will pass by.. and as it does, I recognize that I have survived. Every step towards actualizing my full present day potential is a step forward, a step at a time, and I am beginning to welcome failure as a necessary stage in my everyday life..by doing so, I find that life is more meaningful and worth living..

I know not what my future holds for me, but as long as I know my path and to which place it leads me to, I think I would be just fine..For the time being, I would cherish whatever 'present' has in store for me..Again friends I'm telling you, life is too short to be burden with your worries..stop worrying and start living a life..

adios..anyway, have you been praying so that it won't be raining tomorrow?? If you have not, then, it's not too late to apologize, emm hehe, to pray yet..Help those who are indeed in need..kio..

Good nite everyone, I have to wake before the sun rises tomorrow..and I don't like it..huhu..


It's April the 2nd..Nothing significant about today, anyway,so far day 1 of April has been a success..A success?? emm, just how do I define my day 1 as being successful? hehe..Simple..Coz, I'm still breathing and I'm alive..I'm grateful enough, shouldn't be asking for anything else, right..? But emm, can I ask for pay raise?? I really need it..hehehe..

I did not fall asleep in the office like I have always do, and I utilize my lectures time to the max..My students sure don't like it, but hey, I'm the boss, and I'm running my class..kan..hehe

I've been doing sit ups every morning for the past few weeks, maybe a month (or more) now before bringing out my puppies. I'm yet to see the result..Huh..Trying to get my body into its shape..hehe

Free writing is really fun, it gives me a chance to not care what I am writing or what people are going to think about it, and I just write, and near the middle it turns into something with a theme and some meaning to it, and I think that is awesome. I would like to write further into something that is actually readable by the public, and such..

Anyway, tomorrow my students and I are going for a trip to pulau 3, to the survivor's Island, and I'm actually busy preparing my checklists..and I need to go to Sabah Parks later to pay for our accommodation and boat transfers..Dear All, please pray so that it won't be raining tomorrow..Kiooooooo...

Thanks for your prayers..adios

another random thoughts

They say what matters is not how good we are in keeping ourselves out of trouble but how well we get out of trouble after we have unwittingly involved in it. I agree without any single doubt..

After all, there can’t possibly be any one who can manage not to ever get into trouble..Not to mention what kind of trouble it is.. I believe that at some points in our lives, we find ourselves in situations we never dreamed of ever getting into, situations which we’d rather watch from a safe distance than be involved in. But, most of the time, we get ourselves involved in a situations only to find ourselves being deeply hurt and frustrated in the end..Well, I say, Life is like that..

At one point or another, we would succumb to temptations, commit mistakes, make wrong moves, and yes at the end, we failed. And very soon we find ourselves caught in a tangled web whose ending and beginning we can no longer pinpoint, and from which liberating ourselves seems impossible..and we start blaming ourselves for the damaged we have stupidly done..This is totally normal, everyone could really be a jerk sometimes..

Then we realize that getting out of our predicaments can be very difficult, and that not all of us have the courage, the determination and the will to get out of sorrow’s clasps. Move over, it seems that not everyone has them (courage, determination and will) can actually make it..Well, some do succeed, often after having been badly scathed with all their struggles, but some would fail and succumb to destruction.

What’s worse is that, even those who might manage to escape from the trauma they’ve been experiencing, in their struggles, lose something of themselves, so that, although they will still be the same persons who have gotten into and out of the delema, they will no longer be their old selves..Never again.. Somehow, they will be changed..

It's good to know that we have friends who care for us when we are feeling down..and it's good to have someone who we can trust and willing to be there to support us..Life is simple, all you have to do is..To live it to the fullest..

Be happy people..adios..