Memories, Past and Present....

Unless you have a lobotomy, you will have to contend with a boatload of memories.. Some good, some bad, most mundane or neutral... The last group won’t haunt you, but the happy ones may..Sadly, they really do haunt you.. Surprisingly, negative recollections can aid your healing journey by reminding you all was not bliss.. Positive memories allow you to see why you stayed.. It’s the same old balance of light and shadow, the so called yin and yang (I don't actually really understand how it works)...A soft knock on the head... We're not sleeping on the bed of roses all the time....Shit happens...

If you notice you’re pining for the past resurrect a few unpleasant images.. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it can bolster your resolve to get through this trial.. If anger arises, it’s OK..Shout and curse... You may think rage is undesirable, but it can be constructive.. Unlike depression, anger is empowering..It motivates you to do better, to prove to the world that you are as worthy as a diamond..Yes true, you deserve more than happiness, you deserve more than everlasting happiness... Your anger lights a fire under you when you need energy to act..When you need the gut to say all the words you've been needing to say... Don’t worry, you won’t stay furious, nor will you give in to every one of your revenge fantasies...Your wrath is temporary, just like everything else on earth...Be joyful instead...

Nostalgia and sentimentality are other aspects of remembering, and you will feel their emotional tug from time to time...It hurts, they are indeed very hurtful.. Certain events, situations, and holidays may trigger them... Welcome every one, but, remember.. they were, so yesterday!!..The History..and you're living in the present situation.. Hanging on to some especially poignant images may feel like a sweet grief or a volcano of other emotions, it’s all fine... Just keep making it safe to feel everything.. Your memories will fade.. It’s natural for the present moment to supersede the past, you'll get over it.. You don’t have to work at it, it happens organically... At some point, you will be ready to live fully in the present, and leave what was behind you..

Sometimes, we unconsciously bring up memories as a way to feel attached to our old life and former partner... It’s the mind’s way of easing you into a new state..especially, if the break-up was sudden or fast.. This emotional bandage allows your psychic space to accommodate to new ways of being with yourself and in the world.. Assume you are healing every minute of every day, whether awake or asleep.. Knowing that enables you to embrace whatever comes in you way... have so much love to give and so much life to live....Our memories will remain cherished...just don't let them haunt us...May we have a peaceful life ahead...and may we find the one who will hold our hands and stand right beside us when we are weak and down, and not the one who are there only when we are happy..Hey, the present is not that bad anyway...:)
for the things that happened

My Ex, My Friend....

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another ... unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then)... You've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on.. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends, which ultimately leads to more broken promises..

So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups.. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months.. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times )...

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce.. "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex..

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another.. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because someone has just pleasured you like never before..

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are..but we'll never actually know how they really are..

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be...And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore... It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped.. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share...It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

For me, it's all up to you...if you can stay being friend with your ex...then, you have to be ready won't be as easy as chewing takes a lot of courage and heartache to let everything passes by your ears and eyes while you try to convince yourself that everything's gonna be just fine, and that you don't mind at all... is like that...

6 red roses and Truffles....

"Oh the roses are so lovely.. thank you so much, dear. So why did you give me fifteen stalks?" the girl asks. "Huh? Hmm... well just thought the bouquet look nice with fifteen." Ha you just got yourself shoot!!

The meaning of roses...the color of roses.. the number of roses each has got their meaning.. Do you know that 11 roses represent "You are my treasured one, the one I love most in my life" whereas 15 roses represent "I am truly sorry, please forgive me"?

Now isn't that a total twist of the meaning for the roses you gave? What had meant to be a message of love has just turned into a message of apology.. implying you were guilty of something?

Today, I received 6 red roses...beautiful, even though I am not so much of a flower person, but I know if the roses are beautiful...and what does six red roses mean?..well, you find out...for now, let me just sink into the past and reminisce bout the good old times...

thanks...its such a sadly perfect closure...and we'll remain friends...the friend that I love and care always...

A slap on the face...WAKE UP

I’m having a really difficult time doing what I say I’m going to do... Not for others, I’m still relatively on track with that.. Not perfect, far from it, but better than I am with myself.. I never do what I promise myself..and that's a shame..

Me and myself, we’re always planning to improve things, set things right. We’re going to do meditate, exercise, write, read, file stuffs.. I have a long wistful list scribbled on my yellow pad.. I’ve even broken everything down into hourly pockets to make sure everything fits..

I write all of this down, I believe myself and then I walk away. I get distracted.. Someone needs this NOW, someone I love is having a nervous breakdown, there is always one of those.. And the day goes and at the end of it there is nothing.. Just my list.. I haven’t done one of the things, not one..

Over time I have learnt to trust myself less than my most capricious acquaintances... Never has anyone let me down as much as I, myself.. I have got, so I simply don’t believe in anything I say...

So I’m changing that. I’m making a spreadsheet. Now!!... It will have two headings under every day: 1. What I did not do and 2. What I did do.

That’s it....

Not what I should have done or what I promise to do. No judgment. Only observation...

I real slap on the face to make me stay wide awake...I’m going to ‘see’ what happens...

my random thoughts

I wrote this one in my facebook notes sometimes ago....and I wish to share it here..

I should, its a slap on my face....I feel like a hypocrite..but, hey..I know myself....:)

For many of us, love begins with deep passion, romance, and hot steamy sex (well, it doesn't have to include sex all the time, though). This is what I call the first stage of love, the euphoric stage..the stage when you think that you're walking on cloud 9, or on a field where the pastures are greener..everything is sweet, every song is melodious, you guessed, it was PERFECT... You are together all the time, love everything about each other, see no faults in one another, and cannot seem to keep your hands off each other...and you say "my endless love", or could it be your theme song?... As time goes by, you get to know one another..Every single thing about each other.. The party manners disappear, and you begin to see that your loved one is not so perfect, after all... This is the point where, if you are expecting perfection in another person, you will become disenchanted, and the relationship will end..*sigh*... You cannot expect perfection in anyone, including yourself... If you do, you are living your life in fantasy, and always will be disappointed...Even thinking about this is disappointing enough already...

Contemplate this for a have just met the person of your dreams.. You are attracted to this person physically and emotionally.. he or she has a great sense of humor, is affectionate, romantic, and a fabulous lover..and your eyes are set on him/her... Your new partner does all the right things, pushes all the right buttons, and you have.... gosh!!! I hate this phrase... fallen head over heels in love with him/her.... One day, your perfect, remarkable partner begins to irritate you.. You may discover that this person is a slob and not that special, after all...and all of a sudden, you cannot stand being in his or her place because it's such a pig's nauseating and irritating to the core..whatever you may wanna call it... One day you notice that your once-flawless love, who has run out of clean underwear, goes to the laundry hamper to retrieve a slightly less soiled pair... You go into the bathroom to find it flooded with water from the shower, his razor stubble, or her make-up and toothpaste, lining the sink.. To top it all off, if it is a man in question, he left the lid up or did not flush the toilet. So do you dump this person? Based on my experiences in life, I do not think you should....

This is an extreme example, but it could happen... Love will reach a stage where you will begin to notice your partner's shortcomings..the imperfections in him/her...all things that you may have overlooked before... So what do you do? Do you give up? Relationships end for many at this point, because the fantasy has been shattered... He or she is not that perfect, after all. When you come to this point, you have graduated to the next stage of relationship.. It's a challenge, an invitation, to achieve a new level of intimacy with your partner... Many of us choose, at this point, not to communicate our needs or feelings, but rather to detour into anger, and obvious mere mortals special trait.. Out of fear, some of us repress our feelings... In many cases, we just plain run as fast as we can and jump over the rainbow if we could... Aah...these are all just normal human reactions, when faced with this awakening... Should you choose to be angry, or if you choose to repress your feelings or to run, you are missing the opportunity to rise to the next level of intimacy...Many, wouldn't be able to think straight....

The so called endless love ends.... it is a time when your brain starts having more input than your hormones... When euphoric love ends, you have come to a stage in the relationship where you are thinking seriously about a future with your partner... Questions come to mind, such as, Can I live with this person, the way he/she is right now?, Do I want to share the rest of my life with this person?..These are big questions, and they tend to elicit fear.. The fear is totally normal, but it catches many of us off guard.. Many of us take this fear as a sign that the relationship is not meant to be..It was but a mistake..or perhaps, was it just a stupid infatuation??... In reality, this fear is a reflection of how important your relationship is becoming... When we start to consider a future that includes our partner, we tend to look at them more critically... While this is natural, it's important not to forget the positives that brought you together in the first place...You should celebrate this stage in your relationship... it's a sign of growth, a love relationship on the rise... Remember, the art of loving is a lifelong commitment...and I wanna remind myself of that from time to time... It is the further development of learning.. to love ourselves, our partner, and all those around us..(sounds like something that I could not accomplish)....

If you and your partner decide to commit to the further development of your relationship, you need to know that this is when the real work begins.. Love cannot sustain itself... It requires patience, confidence, discipline, concentration, faith, and practice daily.. These are words for us to remember..Relationships change continually... As relationships grow, the level of commitment increases and the love matures... Mature love does not occur overnight.. It develops over time, and requires that you give of yourself some times.....

and who am I again to talk about these stuffs.....a mere human being...just a thought I think worth sharing with everyone....Love and be loved...:P

The Hiatus is Over....

So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)

This blog ain’t dead yet...I’ve just been pretty occupied, I will get back regularly when i get a sense of normality some time soon...and I mean, no sooner than now...Hehe...Gosh, here I go again...that was what I said in my last post, right?..haha...bear with me..I'm really coming back this time...and I will feed you everyday with my random thoughts....(I wish...)

We hear a lot about “dead blogs” on the internet, or even “one post blogs”... I guess I just don’t want to conform to those neo-clich├ęs...It is tough, admittedly, writing to an extremely minimal audience, wondering why your blog hasn’t become the next big thing on the net.. Hoping that suddenly your post views will shoot up into the thousands.. That someone will actually listen..

well, seriously..I really don't mind at all...this time, I'll write more..this is not another hiatus alert...I'm back to blogging again...and this time it is intended to share the new journey that I am undertaking....will be back for more posts..I promise...

The struggle continues...the hiatus is over...
So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)

This blog ain’t dead yet...I’ve just bee pretty occupied, I will get back regularly when i get a sense of normality some time soon...and I mean, no sooner than now...Hehe...
So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)


I have been on a long vacation..I mean, away from blogging...Do I miss it?..I guess, not....I find it really therapeutic for me to write on a regular basis before, but..It's not happening anymore...Anyway, I'm not going to let it die, after all these years, when I finally found a medium for me to say what I have been wanting to say, I'm not gonna let this blog be buried and lost in the cyberspace...I'm gonna revive it again...this time, with less writings, and less ramblings...I wanna express my thoughts and feelings through photography...They are more realistic than the ramblings of a drunken man after a few glass of beers..

that's what I'm gonna do..turn this blog into a complete photoblog....starting tomorrow...(If I'm not lazy...again...) h ehehe
I have to accept the fact that sometime things don't go the way we planned them to be...sometime things go wrong...and sometimes

Long Vacation

I will start blogging when I feel like it...for now....I'm going on a real long vacation...

He's getting Older.....

My dad was here yesterday, I mean, he was in KK, so I took the chance during my lunch time to meet up with the man I love so much in my life...As I walk down the stairs from my office, my mind started working on possible and logical excuses to tell my dad for not being home as often...emm, dad, I'm quite busy these days...or, dad, I was home recently la....or, dad...I'll be home for a week on Zale's wedding...those kind of excuses....and I was glad, and I know that I can get away with either one of these excuses...

I walked slow, actually, still thinking....and then, I saw him, I saw my dad waiting for me at the corner of the block...he smiled when he saw me, and it was clearly visible to my eyes that he has aged...He looks healthy though, and that I know he has been watching his diet very carefully...His face is radiant, but even with his charming smile, he can't just hide all the wrinkles on his face....It made me so sad suddenly to realize that the man who has raised me up is getting older....

This is normal...I'm not getting any younger myself...and I can't stop myself or anyone else from aging...I used to wake up crying when I was young whenever I dream about my parents being old and about to leave us...and I remember praying to God, to let my parents stay young and healthy...well, at least I'm relieve that my parents don't drink nor smoke and they don't have any serious health problem...I'm so proud of them...

I gave my dad a little pat on his shoulder and we walked side by side...talked about life, about my work and he told me things back home in KB...I don't remember when was the last time we had a long chat...I'm missing a lot of childhood memories, the image of my dad when we were younger...the way he raised us up...all are priceless....I don't wish upon stars or moon that I could stop time for a while and stop him from getting even older...I just wish I could have more and more memories with him..and of course with my mum....I love them very much, they are my life....

Sipadan Mabul Pics...the unedited

check out some of our pics


Sipadan Mabul Pics...the unedited

Mabul Sipadan Trip

Not long after the dives Junior and I had in Cebu.. we have another one last weekends.....It was fun, much better than Cebu.....of course...we were in Sipadan....Well, I have been there few times..4 times to be exact, and now...I'm missing Sipadan already...Hahaha...

Thanks to Kupi for being very resourceful...I was a bit dissapointed actually, when I was told that we might not be able to dive in Sipadan due to permit limitation...but, at last...we managed to go to Sipadan through another operator....

Getting into the water with all the diving gears was so great...I was very excited about seeing sharks and turtles again after being quite dissapointed with the dives we had in Cebu just few weeks before...With my very little diving experience I think, Sipadan or even Mabul are by far much better than any other sites that I have been to...(as if I'm a seasoned diver...ahaksss)...

We did our first dive in Mabul at the Bungalow Reef...I wasn't really excited about it though, because I knew there would only be Jacks, Nubbybranch, and those little marine life...Muck dive, and the visibility is not that fantastic....anyway, it was fun, with the underwater camera, I have found a new interest....I have to admit that it is not as easy as taking pics on land where perfect bouyouncy is not required...trying to stay still while snapping the clown fish or the nubbybranch has shown me a great challenge, and I realized...I'm not that good yet....huhuhuhu....

We were supposed to have 3 dives in Mabul, but Junior and I skipped the last one to join the snorkerllers...after lunch, and after the rest of the divers went on their last dive in Mabul, we went to the newly built jetty nearby and had the best time of our life jumpping off the was really fun...Yeah, at least for me...I have been there 3 times before, but have never done this..It was still hot but none of us cared....we stayed there until the sun was setting, took some more pics....laughs, got crazy and at has to end...hahaha...Going back to our room in Billabong Scuba is quite a challenge, tired and hungry to the max...

After the dinner, we sit around on the dock with me playing the was fantastic...I miss that part of the trip...and then....Yeah......we were in Uncle Chang's..Got really crazy, as if we were on drugs...hahaha...We were already jumping up and down even before we started drinking....Hahahaha....

Emmm....banyak lagi bah yg sa mau cerita, tapi telamapu panjang...It will take my days and days to tell nanti sa kasi tu link so that you can see our pics la kio..hehehe

Yg amat Malas
ni la sa malas ni....kalau sudah update satu kali, terpaksa mau update lagi la banyak kali kan....nda pa la, blog ku juga ni...apa2 pun ku tulis di sini suka ati ku la bah juga kan...mau mengutuk ka, mau memaki hamun ka...sepa juga yg berani kunun mau bising2 tu? ku kuyukkan juga mulut itu...hehehe...nda bah...I'm actually a nice person..but, I can be really bad sometimes....Defensive? Sa juga tu....Ignorant...pun sa juga...So, basically, I'm a multifaceted guy....Cool kan...wakakakaka...

Well, I'm in the mood of writing now...suka2 la bah kunun ni, but, there's something which is bothering me....and I can't get it out of my head...Silaka....napa la sa pi baca tu one particular blog...hahaha...If I didn't, I won't feel anything....but, I sekarang, mcm sa feel obligated pulak to go and check that blog from time to time....Well, the thing's getting hot in there...Party A giving some comments and...Party B couldn't accept it...and they end up criticizing one another....How childish can a grown up be?....that childish!!!!!...anyway, Congrats tu the author of the blog...Panas cerita ko geng.....hahaha....anyway, this is soon going to be forgotten...and new stories will come up...More...and the future....Keep up your good work...hehehe...

It feels like time has stopped moving few hours lambat gila la sa rasa masa berjalan ni....besa la tu, tomorrow we're off to Semporna, and we'll be in Mabul, diving in Sipadan and Kapalai the whole weekends....Patutlah sa rasa cam nda sabar....It certainly gonna be lots of fun....kalau nda silap la kan, this is going to be my third time sudah pi Sipadan, and I don't think I could ever be lagi ni kali ada underwater camera sudah...buli la sa buat video clips underwater ni....Mesh with the Turtle....turus sa kasi jadi la sa punya clip tuk karaoke....Pasti malatups....wahahahaha...nay'...I'm not that vain....

I hope and pray, jan la bah ujan during our days in Mabul...let us enjoy the sand and the hot sun...biarlah kunun ku kena sunburn....Really looking forward juga to Rock Uncle Chang punya what we did on our last visit there....mesti gempak lagi ni kali ni....To Kupi...jan lupa tu botol aa...nanti sa bili tin biru juga kali ni di semporna....hehehehe

Bah, see you guys tomorrow la...sepa2 yang pi join this trip la....sepa2 yg nda join tu...ngam juga la sbb kamu nda la kana sunburn nanti...hahahaha

Been Gone for a while...

I used to remember my dreams every night, and wake up with the images still vividly imprinted on my mind.. I would always try to fall back asleep, just for one more minute (in dream-time) to see what might happen... It seems that I always wake up right when it starts getting truly interesting.

My dreams have always been better than real life... Even now I can recall certain dreams that have stuck with me, their meanings unclear but the effect they had still resonating...

Like the time when I was a bird...I have to hold on a special kind of leaf only then I can fly...the tighter I hold on the leaf, the higher I fly... but then, after sometimes, I got tired.. I was flying about and suddenly found myself captured... Now, I’ve flown in dreams before, but always as a human.. I don’t recall being an actual bird... Placed in a cage, my owner eventually grew tired of me and decided to take me back to the pet store which must have caught me.. those details are fuzzy... I escaped from the cage and flew a short ways, only to find that I was suddenly made of wood and fell to the ground, shattering... The dream continued, though, but nothing really happened after that...Crazy and funny...

Or the dream where I was a guy, and not just any guy...I was Batman, and who I really am in real life was his actual alter ego... I caught the bad guys, or at least I tried to...That one is still unclear...How come?...I don't understand why...In my dream, I'm a bad superhero....darn....

I was a girl once, as well... A character much like the girl from Beauty and the Beast, I was in a large house and at a party when a character much like the Beast came in, and hid in the darkness... I climbed into an attic to see him, unafraid, and he told me that he would come back for me, if I so chose...This dream makes me wanna wake up right away...coz in many instances, I normally realize that it's a dream...and I can actually control a lucid dream....huh!!

I’ve had dreams of horrible things happening, times when you run incredibly slowly and are always out of breath...and some ugly creatures are running after you....I’ve also had ones where I can run on and on forever, never stopping, moving as quickly as I pleased... I’ve woken up with a smile on my face, and I’ve had times when I’ve woken up sobbing, the embarrassment of what my dreams displayed too much for my unconscious state... I’ve flown, and I’ve fallen back to earth... I’ve been in love, and I’ve been hurt...They’re always exciting, at least usually more so than my real life, and they’re almost always something that I don’t want to wake up from....

I love dreaming.. it really can be better than real life at times....Hahahaha....I've been gone for a long while, and then you have to read bout my dreams now that I have made a great do you like it? hahahaha....Life is getting better these days...activities lined up throughout the, I just couldn't wait for Friday...We'll be in Mabul, and Sipadan......yeah..........

Morning entry

It's such a good feeling to wake up early in the morning and be able to do lots of things before hitting the ride to work...Maybe, I should do this everyday, wake up early, and take any of the dogs for a short run around in the neighbourhood...its cold of course, but very refreshing..and I love the smell of the dew in the morning (dew has any smell ka? emmm probably it is the smell of wet grass..hehehe)...Aaah, I feel so healthy....hehehe

It's going to be yet another short entry....

Happy February to all, time does fly so fast when you're not counting....and now it's the second month of the year 2oo9, and it's soon gonna be christmas again...hehehe...Yeah, I'm glad that February is here...I've been waiting for this month....

You guys have a lovely day safe and God Bless...Amen

Hamp telah men'tagged aku....

Sebelum saya buat ni tag, saya ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kepada sahabat baik saya, Imhar a.k.a Hamp kerana telah men'tagged saya dengan sesuka hatinya..saya akan buat la tag ini dengan hati yang riang dan gembira sambil menyanyikan lagu jiwa, lagu cinta..yang si M.Nasir sama si Botak tu nyanyi...huahuahua..Ok hamp, Here I go...

~ Bold the statements that are true for you. Italicise the statements that you wish are true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, tag 5 people to do the same test~

I miss somebody right now.
I love vacation.
I bake a cake.
I do not watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I am married.
I have tried marijuana.
I still love with my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I am a millionaire.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID.
I like the way I look
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I am a pretty good dancer.
I love sex. hhahhahahaa...yes
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I am not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I’m shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before. ..are u crazy!!??
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I love to chat (YM/MSN/etc..)
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment.
I’m obsessed with girls.
I’m obsessed with boys.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I went college out of state. ...out of Sabah..yesss
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet. I talk in my sleep.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I have kids.
I feel sad sometimes.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I love being happy.
I am on diet.



Puas ati ko Hamp..? hehehe

just rambling...

It's all over now...the joy and fun in the sun, the loud musics, the tapai2, bir2 and all those strong liquors...they are no more...The food, ow..where are they?...The waking up late in the morning, and staying up late at night, and going to sleep early morning....It's all over now....As if I have just awakened from a long sleep and beautiful dream..or, it should be series of dreams...and now, I'm back to reality...back to what it has always been....Life...That's it...

Going to the office today seemed like taking the long way from Tambunan tu Sandakan, I could have sworn, the matress felt like...emm...the best matress in the world this morning...but, I have to wake up, I have things to do...I'm one responsible person if you don't already know....hehe..BUt, this is not always the case, I could be very irresponsible sometimes, but...yeah...depends...Seriously, there's nothing much to do in the office, when everything else has been settled long time ago....So, I have been in front of my lappy since the time I came, my eyes are getting really tired...Was I asleep for few seconds just now? ughhh....Not getting enough sleep lately..but not tonight..Will be watching A.I first, feed my boys, and hit the sack like nobody's business....

Sometimes I get really sick and tired of my daily routines...get caught in the traffic jam and feeling extraordinarily sleepy while driving home after work...and the song "if I was a boy" by Beyonce....forgive me, if you like that song, coz..I can't seem to fine anything in the song, from the lyric to the melody...It's all wrong...

I need some changes, a betterment...something that I'm really excited to do, and always look forward to...I want so much, but I can't have them all...I need so much..but who am I to ask?...being human sucks sometimes...with our diversifying needs and wants compare to our very little means..we end up being no where..we stay where we are....We don't have much, but choices...and choosing could be so tiring and frustrating...If I could just point, and it's mine...would it secure me an everlasting happiness and satisfaction? If I could..only if...and, true...It's going to remain only if...

Maybe, I'll wake up tomorrow with some fresh new hopes...or maybe, I wake up tomorrow not seeing light at all..maybe and only if..they remain my best buddies....




To all my dear readers, since it's gonna be cuti2 again for few days, I, also would take my cuti2 from blogging for a while...will get back after the chinese new year...

Just a short and quick reminder to everyone, please be extra careful...Don't and never attempt to do anything stupid..such as, racing car with the policemen...If you're going back home (kampung), make sure your house has been locked, you might never know, Mr.Robber might be interested in your microwave...and if you have dog(s)...Don't be stupid to leave your dog(s) without any food and drinks...get someone to take care of them while you're're making a big mistake if you leave your dog unattended for a long duration of time....If I know, I'll shoot you in the head....hahaha..kidding...

Bah, sepa2 yg cina tu, and ada open house, don't forget to remember me...invite me la..I'm gonna be bored ni...hahaha...but, make sure got angpau one aa...hehehe...

K la...Slamat tahun baru.......Cina...

Random PIcs

sekadar tuk megisi masa lapang....hehe

what would you write...if

It was during one of my classes today that I was thrown up with this question...and seriously, I was left dumbfounded... If it was something in relation to my subject, then...I guess...I could give the student a long and winding explanation, complete with the theories and principles...but, it wasn't...Something that I have never even think about...

The question was....If you are the last human being on earth, and you have the opportunity to write something down, what would you say?....The question was that simple, and as a blogger who write on regular basis, I should be able to answer that question promptly..but, I can't...For the first time in my career of work, I was asked something that I couldn't answer satisfactorily...

While continuing with my teaching, I was a bit distracted, the question kept on playing in my mind...and I swear, I was trying to find the best answer while delivering my lessons and it was no piece of cake...

When I got back to the office, I was still trying to figure out what would I write down if I was the last human being on earth....It was such an inspirational question...and I can't wait to write my response here...Now, I'm imagining myself being the one and only person on earth...
When posed with the scenario of being the last member of humanity, and being asked to write something meaningful, I felt suddenly helpless and speechless...Since being speechless is an irregular occurrence for me, the question had a profound impact…

What is there really to say? Nothing I can put into words would have a significant amount of meaning at that point... I could narrate earth’s history to the best of my knowledge, but it wouldn’t change our fate... I could articulate my opinions and beliefs, but who would be saved by reading them? Who could possibly be influenced by what I had to say?..How much power does language really have? Well, it may seem like a lot, when there are others around to express yourself to... But in the end it will take more than written letters and symbols to change reality....

Okay, so maybe its a little raw and not my best thinking… but the former question really threw me off guard....and for sure, I won't be writing anything like this if I was the last human being on earth....

arrrgh!!!....I should just forget about the question, it won't happen anyway... (huhuhu)...

Letter to my Blog

My Dear Beloved Blog

I'm sorry that I don't visit you as often as I should have lately, let alone do some updating to your almost outdated features...I've been busy..Seriously I am..You could actually ask my good friends about that... I've been running up and down, coast to coast, south to north, East to West everyday, and I'm tired, sick and exhausted...that's how busy I am...I hope you could understand, and believe me...I love you still..Dearly and tenderly...Yesterday I came to visit you here, usual, you looked so pale and blue...maybe, due to lack of activities...I left without saying anything..I do apologize for that...

Hey, you don't have to be sad, you don't have to be're as good as any other blogs out least, you have some good pictures here, right?..and some people...don't have that....Did I cheer you up? well, you could at least smile...:)..I remember, we used to be together a lot last're the first one I visited in the morning...and I stayed with you till late night...Things changed...You didn't, I did....and people are talking about that...Those people, who come here, dropped a line on your board, telling you that I don't love you anymore, and that I am a lazy person..just because I don't come and visit you the way I used to...Don't listen to them..for they don't know what they are talking about..and for sure, they don't have anything better to do in life...Hehehehe...

The rain has stopped, and I'm glad..maybe I can go for a little walk with that fat boy Rex...he needs to lose weight...opss...talking about weight, you know what Dear Blog...I lose weight in less than a month...and I'm happy about that...Have I told you already that I'm going diving next month?...First in Cebu and then, we're off to Sipadan...emm, there seems to be a problem with our permit to Sipadan, but we're still trying..until we get the permit..It won't be as fantastic to dive in Mabul or Kapalai without diving in Sipadan...You know how much I love it there, right?...and, I wanna look good when I put on my wet suit..that flabby abs would look awful in that tight suit...hehehe..but, hey..I feel comfortable now..I don't miss that 5kgs at all...lalalala...

I think, I have introduced you with my new friend, EOS50D, right?...he's my partner in crime now...we always go out together, he's a good friend...Some of the pics I put on you were taken by him...Nice, right?...I think I'm in love with this 50D friend of mine...Yesterday we went to the briefing and rehearsal of the Miss Sabah Oriental 2009 in D-Junction..we took some good pictures of the contestants, and yeah...some of them require us to be their photographer during the event...this is great...and of course, all the pics will be featured here...and you, you will look better and alive again....So don't ever think that, I have abandoned you because I have a new friend two are closely related two are good friends too...

I have said enough...i hope, you could just tell the visitors that you're still alive...and I am going to make you bright and be cheerful again...For the time being...just leave me alone with 50D...

yours sincerely
Random Thoughts

:) let me just laugh...hehehehehehehe

HDR lagi ni....

Sekadar main2 saja...daripada sa tidur di ofis, bagus sa buat something yg I love to do...hehehe

Higher Dynamic Range


If you consider yourself a good photographer, you should learn, and should know lots of skills to process your that is mostly talked about now is the HDR...emmm, I'm not really sure how to explain what HDR does to your pics, can actually create or rather enhance your pics...I'm loving it, I got addicted to it...but of course, I'm still very much in my learning process....hehehe

From Deep Within....

It feels like I haven't been writing for ages...writing from deep within myself..and I'm missing it...So much is deep inside me which need, be let lose for a while...If you're reading're reading from the deepest part of me...

That’s what I got in my mouth after reading some of my writings here. I thought I was optimistic and well, maybe not happy happy, but contented…serene. Instead I found this fairly bitter, a depressing person writing under my name….How can that be? Granted, since I came, read and retreated to ponder, fester and just think, I’ve been low... Maybe it’s the anticlimax of the season... Or maybe this is how it works….you write something, and that what you hold to be the truth, turns out to be a mistake, at best, or fiction...

Or maybe it’s just plain old me, peaking out from behind that happy, contented mask... I lost my footing, but in doing so I also had to take stock of some more or less painful things. My going back to my bad habits is one, and although one can always blame ones surroundings it’s not honest, and if I can’t be honest with myself, then what? I will of course get a grip... That’s who I am, was fostered to be, but it’s so hard sometimes to be good, do good…all because of what? The eternal award? The knowledge of “being good”? I don’t know, but the road is somehow already mapped out. It doesn’t really matter how much I procrastinate, I’ll get to where I’m going in the end anyway, I know...

Life is of course a struggle... That’s a mantra that’s easy enough to say.. To feel it is another matter I’ve noticed... The struggle of the everyday life, the choices, the excuses…it’s tiresome... I sometimes wish for less awareness. Ouch! That came out just a bit too…..I don’t know what, but what I mean is that for every new insight there’s an added burden of responsibility... To know, or understand more is to have even more choices to make... I undertake my journey within the confines of a mind too easily swayed.. This sounds like an excuse perhaps, but really it isn’t. The struggle between doing right, and giving up, is a hard one, and lately I’ve seem to lose ground... Lose ground I write, as if there’s the “I” versus something else. Some external force, maybe? I think not. Rather I’ve a feeling that the “good” and the “bad” as it should be known, is within. So, I struggle with myself, and I win and I lose according to how my resolve is steadfast, or crumbling.

The end of last year turned out pretty much the same as the start of the new one. And why shouldn’t it?.. We tend to affix names or functions to different days, but in the long run every day’s more or less the same...I wish, I could be better this year...a wish I would love to keep to myself, but...he who knows, would rejoice with me when it turns out positive...I'm eager, not jumping, I'm waiting...with very little or maybe no patience at all...Somehow, I feel I'm strong..and I could survive for another year...

I was watching American Idol last season's finale last was a long marathon actually..For the first time, I heard George Micheal sang his song "Praying for Time"..I guess, it goes well with my entry today...listen to the song in my playlist, as you scroll down and read the lyric...

Praying for time- by George Micheal

These are the days of the open hand
They will not be the last
Look around now
These are the days of the beggars and the choosers

This is the year of the hungry man
Whose place is in the past
Hand in hand with ignorance
And legitimate excuses

The rich declare themselves poor
And most of us are not sure
If we have too much
But we'll take our chances
'Cause God's stopped keeping score
I guess somewhere along the way
He must have let us all out to play
Turned his back and all God's children
Crept out the back door

And it's hard to love, there's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above say it's much, much too late
Well maybe we should all be praying for time

These are the days of the empty hand
Oh you hold on to what you can
And charity is a coat you wear twice a year

This is the year of the guilty man
Your television takes a stand
And you find that what was over there is over here

So you scream from behind your door
Say what's mine is mine and not yours
I may have too much but I'll take my chances
'Cause God's stopped keeping score
And you cling to the things they sold you
Did you cover your eyes when they told you
That he can't come back
'Cause he has no children to come back for

It's hard to love there's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope when there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above say it's much too late
So maybe we should all be praying for time

Just Some Pics

Lalat in Action

Semoga hidup akan lebih ceria.....hehehe

First Entry

Hey, I'm back to blogging again after being soooooooo busy with my everything....yeah, you know what I mean....I don't actually have long holidays like some people..but....I had a good time..Hehehe..Today is the first day of college, and I'm not jumping up and down about it...I don't like new semester, especially now that our clock in and clock out time has been changed...We have to come earlier, and go home later....That sucks!!! Totally ridiculous....Argh...I shouldn't be complaining too much about it..I did sign the agreement...Danggg!!! Anyway, looking at our new students, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna have fun teaching this semester....Yeah..Believe me, I'm just trying to make myself feel better....Pathetico..

2009 is still fresh, its only the 5th day today...There's one thing people always talk about when new year comes...but, how come I have never mention about come I don't talk anything about my new resolution?...It's not that I don't have any..but, let me just keep it to myself...Last year, my resolution was to reduce my night outings especially during weekdays....and I think, I did well, infact I think...for the first time in history, I managed to achieve my resolution...Yeahhhhh......Don't get me wrong, I didn't say, I don't want to go out during the weekdays at all, right.... I feel so proud of myself, still...I don't think my parents are proud about it..hehehe....and, this will continue for another year this year....

I can see 2009 is a good year for me...For whatever reason, I have a strong feeling about that...Junior and I both love photography, and we have invested some handsome amount of money and started our own small business...Dirty Paw Event and Photography is moving slowly, but we're getting there...It's just a matter of time, and for the time being...I need to learn as much as possible about creative lots of books, magazines...Porn, eh...How come Porn??....Hahahaha, hey, you'll never know, someone might come and ask me to take his nude pics...Wakakakaka...Kidding...That one, I'll pass....(well, it depends...hehehehe)...

I have lots of pics taken in just few days time...and I'm running out of space to put them all, and I can't stop taking pics...I have this habit of keeping pics, even how ugly they are...I think, photos are not meant to be deleted, or thrown away...they need to be kept for remembrance....I hope, there's someone out there who can help me out with this, perhaps maybe you have better ideas...How to save my pics from destruction...hehehe

I'll post some pics later kio.....