My Ex, My Friend....
In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another ... unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then)... You've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on.. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends, which ultimately leads to more broken promises..
So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?
Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups.. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months.. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times )...
But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce.. "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex..
As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another.. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because someone has just pleasured you like never before..
Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are..but we'll never actually know how they really are..
Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be...And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.
It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore... It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped.. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.
Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share...It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.
For me, it's all up to you...if you can stay being friend with your ex...then, you have to be ready emotionally...it won't be as easy as chewing gum...it takes a lot of courage and heartache to let everything passes by your ears and eyes while you try to convince yourself that everything's gonna be just fine, and that you don't mind at all...
Well...life is like that...
So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?
Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups.. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months.. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times )...
But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce.. "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex..
As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another.. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because someone has just pleasured you like never before..
Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are..but we'll never actually know how they really are..
Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be...And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.
It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore... It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped.. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.
Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share...It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.
For me, it's all up to you...if you can stay being friend with your ex...then, you have to be ready emotionally...it won't be as easy as chewing gum...it takes a lot of courage and heartache to let everything passes by your ears and eyes while you try to convince yourself that everything's gonna be just fine, and that you don't mind at all...
Well...life is like that...
really nice post mesh...yup...really hard for exes to stick around as friends...but it's possible and rare kan....I just wish I could be....
stay as fren? just a bull****...only hypocrites can do that....kekeke...i don't mean that they have to be enemies but they need time to be apart.....until the hurt is healed if it can heal....huhu
only two choices..being friend or lose a friend forever...isn't it??
wel...ya, its hard but, nothing is impossible, right?...
Sweetie and Anonymous...
Well, i guess, everyone is different, right?..its hard, for sure...but, then again..not impossible bah juga tu...I can still be friend with my ex..and my ex still want to be friend with me..no big deal...put the lovey dovey stuffs aside...and surprisingly, we appreciate and respect each other more....
for me, i dunt thnk i can do that.. being frens and all... it really hurts when all the routine things gone all of a sudden, it makes u feel lost n sumore u dare to say u wanna be frens wif me?? ooppsss a little bit of emo going on here hehe it is up to the manner of the break up anyway.. if its in a good way then mayb the posibility of being frens is still there...diba? but it ended up wif a fight, now dats a different thing.. but it its me, i gonna frankly say dat i cannot take animo abuse to my heart..
I'm still friends with my ex but then I always feel awfull after he call me coz it will only make it harder for me to move on.
and I thought it's easy...breakup is never easy..and to stay friend with your ex is as difficult..I actually agree with you guys that its hard and its ridiculous..but, I don't hate my ex..seriously..
Duffy..I understand you po..yeah true..its time to mend our broken heart, why should we be thinking of anyone else when our heart is hurting...only time will tell..cheers po..
we cant make general comments on that...depends on individuals on how they cope....but i am sure the Ex now is ok but not sure still can be a friend as before.....my experience...i never contact my Ex anymore...life goes on!!!!
Life goes on..Indeed...Cheers anonymous....
Mesh,balik2 sa baca ni mesh dari bulum ada urg kumin lagi hehehe..sa sukaaaaa...mcm sesuatu y diriku perna rasa tp nda dapat luah...huhuhu
ya ka lisa.. bah, mungkin pernah berlaku dalam hidup ko ni kan.. hehe.. thanks for reading la kio...:)
hemm...lps bc, sa sdr sst-pains yg sir rs..& kerana e2, sa mta maaf sgt-sgt atas pdpt sa ttg perasaan sir dgn a__...sa silap tafsir perasaan sir dgn dia. anyway, sa doakan sir dpt calon isteri yg betul2 akan bahagiakn sir sepanjang hayat sir. amen...
Really good post, it's hard staying friends with your ex but XiGorx said it, it's not impossible..I'm friends with my ex but then again we have two children so we kind of have no choice, do I wish I could move on without knowing of him? of course, but we do our best and suprisingly hold a better friendship now than our relationship in the last two years. Everyones different I guess
This is so trueeee. Me and my ex still try to remain in each others lives but it gets hard because there is a new female in the picture. Its tough