sembarang ja........

I believe that life should be lived and experienced to the fullest, the length of our life is not as important as the quality of life, a life lived well and balanced within nature will be a life long lived..that's why, I wanna enjoy every single day of my life while i'm still alive..and of course, I do care about those people around me..

Looks like, I'm gonna talk about life again, huh..well, what else is there for me to talk about..hehe..I live my life everyday, and experience everything in my day of life..this is an area that I'm sooooo good in..hehehe..

well people, time is a luxury that we can no longer afford, it has become one of my scarcity..I always find myself running out of time..and there are still lots of things to be done..and at the same time, I still want to enjoy my life to the fullest..I should stop and think, that I may not be able to get anything or everything that I want..Cause, everything has its cost..Being only human, I can never be satisfied with lots..I always demand for more..Greedy? ask yourself if you are not the same, or maybe worse..hehehe..

Next week will be our college's exam week..Well, it's only for a week, and after that, there will be one more week of holidays, and we're gonna start the new semester..Gosh..really, time has a new found speed these days..It feels as though, it was only yesterday I was handed with the teaching files, and I was soooo freaking nervous, and now..without me realising it, I have been teaching for 6 guess, I can still stand it..and I'm going to stay around a lil'longer..Afterall, this teaching job is not that bad anyway..EXCEPT..preparing the student notes and the course outlines..Damn..I really hate those..

ermm..I really I have nothing to blog today..I just feel like updating..just for the heck of all la..


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my folks

I know, I have absolutely the best mum and dad in the world..they have been the most influential people in my life and they have made me the person I am today..My father always told me I could do anything I set my mind to do. He also told me I was equal in importance to everyone else on Earth. This is something many people overlook in their daily struggle to out do, or be better than, everyone else. I learned money doesn't make you important, nor does beauty. Importance, a feeling of self-worth, comes from within. You are as important as the next person, and not more so.

My parents weren't rich, but apparently "did okay", as far as finance went. They gave me more than money could buy, because they loved me. I didn't realize exactly how precious knowing your parents love is, until a man once told me his children were "financial obligations". My father never, even in jest, considered me his "little write-off," or "little deduction." I never thought people really talked this way, or thought this way, but it was made painfully obvious to me, there are people who don't care about their children..Thank God, my parents aren't like that..

Well, that picture was taken 3 weeks ago on their wedding anniversary..I've never seen my mum and dad being so loving before...but apparently, I know..they do still love each other..hehehe..To my mum and dad...I know you won't be reading this, I just wanna say I love you and thank you for being such a wonderful parents to me..

Tears and Rain.........

Today is another rainy day, I think, it has been raining since yesterday afternoon..and the title of this entry has nothing to do with tears..but, simply because its raining today..hehehe..I'm bored..really damn bored..I have finished my syllabus, and now I am officially done with my teaching for this semester..Cool..

The freezing coldness in my office makes me sleepy all the time, so to keep myself awake..I browse on the pics I have in my notebook...and ...emm...Ya..I wanna share some of them with you..hehehe..This is what a blogger do when he has nothing better to write..POst pictures..and make themselves vain..Anyway, that wasn't my intention..okay..

The Uncle and the Nephew

Nathaneal Noah Richard

and...the wedding anniversary..

BL - Richard ( law& Sister), Uncle Mr&Mrs Cosmas Mojulat, my Beloved parents..

Thats all for now, I'll come up with something else afterward..ciao..

the awakening...

It's funny how life is what happens to you after you make your plans. It's a saying I have heard throughout my life from my mother. You're heading one way and all of a sudden a series of events aligns like a perfect storm and you get this strong inner feeling, "this is no coincidence.. something greater than myself is at work here." And, now..I understand, what she meant by that..

I'm still trying to absorb all the events of the past months, but am quite sure about one thing.. what I just went through was no accident. In fact, as bold as it may sound, I actually feel it was so very meant to be. In the innermost quiet of my soul, I do believe God or the universe or whatever force of fate you believe in, called to me, and despite my hectic and often frenetic life, I heard it and felt it deeply. I knew it was something I needed to do. That's not to say I understood all that was happening, or where it was going, or even why it was important. I didn't. I just knew it was...and actions are needed to be done..I'm not sure, in my own physical and mental capacity would I be able to do them all..Still, I think, moving on to the future is pretty much of 'trials and errors'..and am willing to take the chance..

I had been looking for something meaningful to do in my life for a long time and all is can see is a list of unfullfiled dreams.. It certainly is, for me, had become more about job performance than craft and more about self-promotion than really making a difference. Worrying about career, image, promotion, the next things to do and recognition had gotten pretty empty..It is our nature as human, we think that we could do everything, as long as we are willing to do it..Well, friends let me tell you something..the will is strong, but the flesh is always weak..and for that very reason, we are incapable of doing so many things..

This is no words of advice that I'm trying to give you..I'm just constantly reminding myself that I am not getting any younger and I should really think of my life ahead..It occured to me today after dinner, suddenly all the memories of the past came rushing in like a serial drama in front of my eyes, and I get too worried and scared knowing that my life is nothing but a piece of pathetic as it may sound..There a sudden urge coming from some parts of my urge for a change..Now..I've been talking about this over and over again..and still..I am being my old self..I think I need more courage to do just one thing, and it is for a big real change in me...Don't get me wrong change doesn't mean, im going to leave everything behind and forget all those people who have been in my life..You will still see me as being me..(Now..I don't know how can it not sound stupid..)

Well, to end my short entry..I would like to share this song with you..its only the lyric la..if you know this song..just sing it..sing it slowly..(emm..there I go again..)

-iron & wine-

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

......I wanna write...

Anyone who writes as part of their job or even for work knows that it is a creative process. It took me a long time to figure this out. I always thought that in order for you to be a "creative" writer, you had to write poetry, or short stories, or books...and before you could actually come up with good ones, you need to do your studies and read lots and lots of books..

I have always longed to write something "creative" like that, but for some reasons, have never been able to. Oh yes, I have submitted short stories to the newspapers and it was released on the Sunday news - it was long ago, but I always seem to go back to my safe spot in writing, expressing my mood, feelings and emotions - and none of them I could consider as being creative.. I truly admire those who write in the way I wish I could.

What I have learned is that whatever you write You still have to craft words together in a way that makes them both flow, make sense, and most importantly encourages your readers to keep on reading, or even secure yourself the next projects or maybe a better position in the organization. And even though there are unique sets of rules to abide by, like in writing press releases, for example, you still have the ability to use your own voice to make it uniquely yours.

Well, you wanna know something..hehe..This is quite embarrasing..but, emm..I'll let you know anyway..I’ve always wanted to write a novel. Creating characters, directing their lives, dreaming up new and interesting places for them to visit has always appealed to me.However, I’ve always found it a daunting task. It is a lot of work to write a novel. I have every bit of respect for authors who can put stories together and do it well..hehe funny..Something that I could never achieve..not now, not even in the near future..

I blog in part and write about things that happened around me, and sometimes I just write rubbish..well, I have no one to impress..I write for my own sake..and hope I could get better..another dream that I wish could become a, next time..maybe..

the facts...

As people become more conscious, and especially when they become awakened, they will be able to perceive clearly the consequences of their actions. They will be able to know, through their experience and through the beautiful insights of higher consciousness, what are the likely consequences of particular actions, words, thoughts, feelings, or attitudes. People will become able to choose the consequences which they most prefer simply by contributing to better and better effects — causing them. Through appropriate and attuned thoughts, feelings and actions, they will realize a beautiful way of experiencing life.

But, in addition, as people begin to recognize that their lives are basically the results of previous actions, previous ways of treating other people, they will begin to realize that in most ways each person is responsible for the consequences of life which he or she is experiencing.

When people become more conscious, they will begin not only to sense why the bad or painful things happen in life but how to make the good and wonderful aspects of life come about — how to make their hopes and dreams realities. To be on this planet is to be educated about the consequences of one's actions. We're all here, growing in our understanding of causes and effects. A person who seeks the higher consciousness finds tremendous release in comprehending how to meet a problem more successfully at the next opportunity due to a deeper grasp of the relationship between cause and effect.

People who become more conscious will not blame others for what happens to them in life but will start a wave of improvement occurring from pole to pole. This is happening at this time. More people are accepting responsibility for what happens to them in life. They are often aware of the consequences of what they have done in the past — good and bad — and they realize it's not only their actions but their attitudes — the ways they think and feel — which directly contribute to making life fulfilling or sad.

emmm...what am I babbling here..?..Nothing..really..If you agree with me, then its ok..If not, no worries..I'm fine with it..ciao...

The Pics in Dinawan

I'm just gonna post very few of them here

Thats all..hehehe..all I can say is..I love that island, but hate the sandflies with every vein and nerve i have in my body..


It's still too early to be blogging, and yes..I have lots of works to be done, but..hell..Give me my moments and I'll prove it to you...(Well, what is there to prove, anyway..?)I've been a little bit busy + lazy lately..Due to some issues that I have not even a single intention to tell here..Being secretive? Maybe, I should try and be someone who's not me..for I am getting sick and tired of my ownself..Well, go ahead and tell me to be myself..

Going to work and being in the office seem like an eternal torture to me..I couldn't stop looking at my watch and curse time for moving so slow..It's hard to focus on your job if you're not happy with your working environment, and in my case, my work environment sucks, and my colleagues..ugh..They are just bunch of stupid bitches who love to talk about people and make stupid remarks on them..Wait, one of these days, I'm gonna really smack their heads down..and believe me you, when the right time comes, I won't be thinking twice..Sometimes after class, I would just sit on my desk and try not to think or care about anyone, my workstation is where I do all my stuffs and no one has not the least of right to come and disturb me..and often if not all the time, my moment of solitude (as in my own world).. I couldn't help being annoyed listening to their critics..

I just hate them..and too bad, I have to work with them..Sometimes they are just too much, and still find it so amusing to look down on others..and make awful critics about others..just because they think they live a better lifestyle and think they are more intelligent, or maybe, their life is so boring, making fun of others would be their only entertainment..Well, sorry bitches, go find a new hobby..I don't have respect on friends like you..I should consider if I would even want to call you my friends..

Well, I know, one of my colleagues would come to read and know about what I wrote here..anyway, I wasn't talking about you, alright..hehe..

If you don't aleady know, actually I have bad temper, really bad..and I have problem with anger management, thats why I can't stay too long in one workplace..I've tried lots of things to cure this problem, like..Ignore people and just mind my own business..but, if they still irk me..I have limits and sometimes I could erupt just like a volcano..and when it happens..Don't expect me to even look at your face again..And that very thing, I would try as much as possible to avoid..I don't care who you are, if you have anything against me, live that to your death..coz I just don't care...I think, sometimes being kind to people is not a way to live life happily and it doesn't worth if you have to be in this group of idiots..

Alright, I've been writing all my dissatisfactions so confidently, and now I'm tired of it..yeah, I'm not the only one who have this kind of problem..For the time being, playing ignorant would be bliss..I'm sure, in the nick of time, they would be back from their classes, and would see me doing this..I'll just wait for what they have to say this time...

Its middle of the month, something about today that makes me nervous, happy and also a little bit sad..Man..Life has been so complicated with me..and I don't think I could stay sane for all these madness..I created them myself, and I dont have any regret..Somehow, I would like to make today, a special day for me personally..I would not let them annoy me even if they do..I'll just let them be..I'll keep my cool..and I know, it was never easy..I wanted so much to be away from everything and celebrate today..and I couldn't stop feeling sad, coz I know..I wouldn't be able to do so...anyway, the thoughts mattered most..

Now, to begin with..I would end this entry, and start my day with a smile on my face..and true..its genuine....

The outing...

Just get back from Dinawan Island, still feeling a bit tired..Thank God, the weather has been really kind to us today..It wouldn't be that fantastic if it rains..And its not too hot either..Just nice, since I don't have any intention to get tan..Hah..

We left at 9am and had our simple breakfast when we reached the island..Hey students, you still owe me some ringgits..hehehe..Never mind, you guys have been really helpful and participative..Don't you think we should do this every Friday? Huh..Never stop looking for an excuse to skip class on Friday..hehehe..

Well em..Dinawan is actually a small island, compared to any of the Tunku Abdul Rahman's islands..but, I love it is not highly visited by tourists and we could pretty much do everything we want..I managed to experience the parasailing and the jet skiing for the first time..hehe,,It was fun, really..I would do that again next time..and while we were relaxing by the beach, we were stuned to see one of the tourists strip naked in front of us, and his friends start taking pictures of him..ya..could be better if it was a "her"..hehehehe..Pervert me...

The buffet lunch was fantastic..For RM35..Eat all you can..and of course my students did they job very well..But sorry guys, you won't be getting any marks for eating all the satays..Damn..I wonder, where are u guys from? Why were u behaving as if you have never eaten in your whole life..But then again, it was ok..I understand..hehehe..

I'll be going out in a short while..I'll post the pics taken in Dinawan soon..For now..Aight people..Mata ashita aimasho..

HAPPY deepaVali..

hey, I thought today's Sunday..Went out again last night and drank my soul out..hehehe..Not drunk, but my friend told me that I mummbled lots of silly things all the way home..Hehehe..I'm sure he was kind of irritated with my behavior last night, sorry have to listen to everything..

What did I do today..hemm..brought Bobbi to SAMC to get his balls removed..Poor Bobbi..but, this is for your own good, boy..Don't worry, you'll get used to being 'ball-less'..hehehe..(yaaaa, I'm talking to my dog)..

I don't have much to say here..don't feel like updating..then, what is this?? emm.. Can't figure out what's troubling my mind..I feel like I'm missing something..Ya, I think I miss mom called me early morning to wish me happy Deepavali..Haha..Funny, you gave me that name and now you're making fun of me, ha..?? Well, she's my mum, she can do anything and say anything she wants..Had a really long chat with my mum on the phone..It makes me wanna be home more..Yeah, if nothing comes up, I'll be going home on Saturday..The prodigal son is coming home..hehehe..

Well emm..I just wanna wish to no one in particular Happy Diwali..Deepavali..

Those pics....

ya ya ... I'm vain..hehehehe

Chef in the Making....

I was supposed to post those pics I promised yesterday, but I still have the same problem..I can't upload those pics from my hp to the computer..Heck..I need a new cable..maybe..Or is it my hp..? Well, I'll keep on trying, till the time comes, then I would post them..and that will be one of my thousands other promises..hahaha..

After work today, suddenly I felt an urge for something out of the ordinary..Not that it was something really odd anyway, I just felt like cooking something for dinner..Rather than spending the same amount of money having dinner outside why don't I just try my culinary skills..Yeah..As if I know how to cook..well..Lets see..

I went to Giant it Giant, but seriously, my house back in Kg is even bigger..hahaha..anyway, all the things that I need to cook for dinner is, stop complaining..I think, I am one of the customers who frequent that supermarket on a regular basis..(only to buy can foods for my puppies though..)After giving it a thought of what to cook..I hit in the supermarket for a quick errands...

We call this Sabah's Vege..Damn..I really don't know its English name..Emm..if you still don't know..its actually Sayur Manis..any idea? Emm..Well, anyway, I have vege..

This 2 fish cost me RM26..If only I knew, I wouldn't want to buy them..That is soooooo expensive for 2 fish of that kind...Lesson for the day..Don't buy fish in any Giant Supermarket, they are extraordinarily expensive..

Looks like a complete healthy diet hah..I wanted to cook chicken soup also, but, I guess, I'll save it for special occassion..ahakss..

and then...this cute puppy, Sisco...Hell no, he was not one of my menus..He has been very friendly to accompany me in the kitchen while I prepare and cook my simple dinner..thanks sisco..Thanks for being always there for me..hehehehe

and the outcome was...

Sayur Manis with sausages..emmm..Nice..hehee

That is supposed to be my sweet and sour fish..but it turned up to be sweet and salty fish..Deeiii..

Now..mina san, itadakimasu..Tabete kudasai..It took me 1 hour and a half to cook for such a simple dinner..

well, I'm quite satisfied with my own time, I'll do better..I hope..Should you need any further enquiry, or perhaps maybe you need catering services..pls let me know a week in advance so that I can start cooking early..hahaha..Don't mind me..It was only a joke.aight...

Ramblings of the drunken..

Just got back from a short drinking session...I was looking at some of the pics I took by using my handphone, and I would like to share them with you..Well, em..I'm having some technical problems uploading those pics to the computer..Maybe I'll do that tomorrow then..

Well, I told you bout how things got so jumbled up with me recently,but now I feel a bit relax and so in the mood of blogging..Could it be because of the beers again? hemm..maybe..Its funny how alcohol can turn you to be someone different..and in my case, it does, sometimes..Sometimes as in 8 times out of 10..hahaha..Hey, I'm not drunk, alright..not even close to typsy..if there's any vocabulary to describe the state I am in now..Forget it..I'm just too lazy to refer to my 'magic book'..O yes..I have some 'walking dictionaries'..but maybe, they might be in bed by now..hehehe..

Okay, this one's gonna be short, since my initial intention wasn't actually to write anything, I just wanna post some pics..So, I think, I'm gonna retire to bed early tonight..and hope my dreams would be those of wonderful ones..and when I woke up tomorrow, someone from the office would call me up to tell me that the college was caught in fire..and I don't have to come to work..hemmm..I wish...But then again, if it does happen, nothing would change, I'm still gonna be in deep frustration..hahaha..pathetic..

Alright..I'm actually physically and emotionally exhausted..for no reason, don't ask me..tomorrow, I'll start my day with...I don't know how..and don't ask me, why..? I told you, this is gonna be short, and I'm not going to prolong peeps, ciao..hehehehehe

Sheer Stupidity.......

Today's Sunday, I woke up late..Well, must be because of the alcohol consumed last night..ughh..And yaaa, of course I slept at about 5am..I woke up with an aching head..puppies jumpping on me..yeah..really need to get up..I took my hp to see if anyone texted me, yup..there was one from a friend, telling me he has just arrived home and he's safe..dude..where have u been, it was 5 something..!!! You must have been drunk somewhere hah..hehehe...Well, em..managed to go thru past messages, just to be sure that I didn't send any stupid messages to anyone, since..last night was quite crazy..Luckily..everything was decent..

Like most Sundays, my day would be quite slow and boring..What exactly people do on a Sunday? Go to the beach and have a picnic?..Go to the malls for window shopping..? ergh..I used to do that last time, now..especially today, I think I would rather sit at home, do my laundry and clean the house, and yes..would bring my puppies to the beach later this afternoon..I'm having so many things in my mind..really need to keep myself occupied so that I won't be stuck in my own emotional world..Deiii..I'm weak..and I realized this since long ago..nothing new..

I told my dad yesterday that I'll be coming home today..It's 4.25pm now I'm still blogging..I don't think I could make it today, daddy...perhaps maybe next Saturday..Ya..I promise..and for me, promises are not meant to be broken..ahaksss...I was cleaning the living room just now, but before I finish cleaning it, I found myself doing the laundry and now..I'm here infront of the PC updating my entry..Gosh me..trying to be super man? Well, I told you...there are just so many things playing in my mind, and I don't know what, or which one to do first..Okay..and there's nothing wrong to do few things at one time..hehehe

I'm looking foward for something that can make me happy or excites me..emm..well, I guess, there's more..At least not in this very near future..For the time being, its gonna be just going to work and teach those monkeys, and that doesn't thrill nor excite me at all, not the least..O ya, Friday, I'm bringing my students to Dinawan Island..Even this doesn't seem to be that exciting anymore..I still have to go though, since this is their class project and assignment..Anyway, friends...whoever you are, if you're free on Friday, I would like to invite you to join us that would be only for a day trip :(

Well em..I really have no idea of what to write..this is one of the worst entry ever written in the history of blog writtings..who cares..? At least I have something to write about and it doesn;t have to be articulate..hehehe..and I need a place to hide away..coz I think, I'm not half the man I used to be..hehe..(sounds familiar hah?...) Ok ok..cut these craps..I'll continue with my laundry and cleaning the living room, and...owh man....wash my car, bring the puppies to the beach, go for a movie, iron my shirt for tomorrow, prepare my lectures..Damnation is all I could say bout my Sunday today..........

Ja..mata kakimasu..