Random Thoughts

It's funny how life is what happens to you after you make your plans. It's a saying I have heard throughout my life from my mother. You're heading one way and all of a sudden a series of events aligns like a perfect storm and you get this strong inner feeling, "this is no coincidence.. something greater than myself is at work here." And, now..I understand, what she meant by that..

I'm still trying to absorb all the events of the past months, but am quite sure about one thing.. what I just went through was no accident. In fact, as bold as it may sound, I actually feel it was so very meant to be. In the innermost quiet of my soul, I do believe God or the universe or whatever force of fate you believe in, called to me, and despite my hectic and often frenetic life, I heard it and felt it deeply. I knew it was something I needed to do. That's not to say I understood all that was happening, or where it was going, or even why it was important. I didn't. I just knew it was...and actions are needed to be done..I'm not sure, in my own physical and mental capacity would I be able to do them all..Still, I think, moving on to the future is pretty much of 'trials and errors'..and am willing to take the chance..

I had been looking for something meaningful to do in my life for a long time and all is can see is a list of unfullfiled dreams.. It certainly is, for me, had become more about job performance than craft and more about self-promotion than really making a difference. Worrying about career, image, promotion, the next things to do and recognition had gotten pretty empty..It is our nature as human, we think that we could do everything, as long as we are willing to do it..Well, friends let me tell you something..the will is strong, but the flesh is always weak..and for that very reason, we are incapable of doing so many things..

This is no words of advice that I'm trying to give you..I'm just constantly reminding myself that I am not getting any younger and I should really think of my life ahead..It occured to me today after dinner, suddenly all the memories of the past came rushing in like a serial drama in front of my eyes, and I get too worried and scared knowing that my life is nothing but a piece of junk..as pathetic as it may sound..There a sudden urge coming from some parts of my body..an urge for a change..Now..I've been talking about this over and over again..and still..I am being my old self..I think I need more courage to do just one thing, and it is for a big real change in me...Don't get me wrong though..to change doesn't mean, im going to leave everything behind and forget all those people who have been in my life..You will still see me as being me..(Now..I don't know how can it not sound stupid..)

Well, to end my short entry..I would like to share this song with you..its only the lyric la..if you know this song..just sing it..sing it slowly..(emm..there I go again..)

SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS
-iron & wine-

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home