Random Thoughts

Irrespective of your circumstances let today’s gift be happiness. There is only one thing in the way of your happiness and that is that you think there is something in the way.

Decide to be happy. What anyone else thinks about you does not matter.

You can decide to be happy.

See it as a real possibility and work towards it. If you are miserable today, smile and pretend you are in a good mood and then you will enjoy yourself despite your black mood. Your mind doesn’t know if you are just pretending. You alone hold the key to how you feel. So feel good.

Happiness is a nice place to be and everyone is entitled to it.

well, many things happened in the last few days..went on a regular night out with friends, photography, the doggies, blaa blaa blaa...anyway, what happened will soon be forgotten..not that they were not important to me, but, they just don't matter to me anymore..things in the past will remain history, and would soon be totally forgotten..Some say, they are meant to be forgotten..so..it doesn't matter, right!! Hehee..

Not in the mood of blogging yet..I'm still feeling very dissappointed with MAxis..how come the service is down today?? emmm..Too bad..I hope the service will be back soon, real soon...

I have to go to my class now..will update more when I'm done with my classes, alright...

Thoughts on blogging, blogging thoughts, thoughts on thoughts, blogs on blogs, to write, what to write, when to write, how to write, how to blog, hmmm. Does it matter?

I have had this blog since July 18, 2007, eeh..Wow, it has been a year now, right..Cool..11682 views up to date.. averaging 50+ views a day. Do I know 50 people? I know my family isn’t that large. Actually I doubt if any of my small family even read this, or is aware of this blog..Well, that's my point, I can't let any of my family member know about this blog, hehehe.. Where do these people come from?..Well, I know some of them are my friends..(I get to know them thru blogging also..) Anyway, do my random thoughts interest the various readers? Does it matter at all?..Emmm...well, look at me...do I look like it matters?? ehehehe..Of course I value you all, my beloved readers...hehehe...

I know everyone seems to like pictures, but shouldn’t blogs be more than pictures? I don’t know, I’ve never had a blog before, and have really only read a couple with any regularity. Am I doing it right? Does it matter? Does this blog matter to anyone else but me? Does that matter? Does it matter that I wonder if it matters? Does that matter? Hahahaha..I'm trying to confuse myself, but it didn't work..hehe..I hope it does to you..hehe

I’m not sure what I really wanted this blog to be when I started. It seemed to be the thing to do. I guess I’d hoped to have something of interest to say, but then thought it might turn out to be more of a diary/journal. A diary/journal is something you write for yourself. A diary is written for memories, a place to write your thoughts, contemplations, dreams and ideas. A place to write about your loves and lost loves, pride and accomplishments, sadness and regrets, friends, enemies, people who pass by you on the street who you don’t know. People aren’t to read other people’s diaries, at least until you are old or dead and your great great grand children, playing in the store found long lost notebooks you’ve packed away because you can’t bear to throw away anything you’ve worked so long and hard on and it’s your life story..Wow..

Then again, if this is a real diary and not a blog, I’d write a lot more personal stuffs here. But this is a blog, open to anyone in the world with a computer connection. I don’t want the world to know all my personal stuffs. Does that matter? Why would they want to know it anyway? Especially the people who don’t know me and have somehow ended up here. There are a lot of strange people in the world.

I have found some posts very easy to do and others difficult. I sort of feel if I have a blog, and I have an average of 50 ish views per day, I should write something every day, otherwise those 50 people, whoever they are, will get bored and not come back. My “best” day has been 152 hits. I do find that if I was writing this 100% for myself I would probably have a lot more writings.. Perhaps I’d have 4-5 posts in one day and nothing at all for weeks and weeks. Some days it seems like I have lots of ideas, but don’t want to put them all on one day, I try to stretch the posts out so I have something to post tomorrow for the 50 people who will stop by. Then when I go to my list of possible blog ideas they don’t seem interesting anymore. Were they interesting only in the moment, or where they never be of interest? Maybe like the newspaper, you read it completely if it’s today’s paper, but may only scan the headlines if it is a week or more old. Does it really matter?

Blogging has become a challenge, a goal, a purpose so to speak (or write). Something I need to do today, tomorrow, and next week with intelligence, kidding, well I try at times, and trying at times sometimes with enthusiasm, sometimes with a feeling of “ok write something, anything, just get it done”. I wonder if people who write professionally or for a living ever feel like that.


Well, it seems like I have today’s post written. Interesting? No..? Does it matter?

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANIVERSARRY TO MY BLOG...hehehe

Whatever...(bilang si Gidong..butak yg begaya)..

Happy weekends...

It’s so easy to get caught up in all those fun, time-wasting things they have out here in cyberspace.. With all the online movies, games, and host of other things to get caught up in, it’s a wonder I ever get any work done at all.. The internet is certainly not conducive to productivity in the least..Anyway, I'm enjoying it..What do you expect me to do..? Hah? hehe..

On a serious tone..I've been slacking alot recently..If I have no class, I would be in front of my notebook searching and surfing on all sorts of stuffs..Some of them are for my teaching materials, most are for my own entertainment..Lately I've been spending lots of time watching movies from crunchyroll.com..I just found out about this site two weeks ago, and now I'm totally hooked up with it..I would be on crunchyroll most of the time, watching animes and tagalog movies..I just love the internet because its great to discover new stuffs online..

By the way, please don't judge me for being such a lazy ass..The thing about me is that, I get all my works done first, and fast..so, when I have nothing else to do, I will be online most of the time..(well, actually I can do lots of things..but no rush,right??)..oghh!! ok, I admit it..I'm such a slacker..I hate myself for being one..hehe..

Helpppp..I need help....hehehe

You... DOn't be a slacker like me..Go get your things done, now!!!!..hehe

There was a total chaos this evening, I normally reach home around 5.30 - 5.45 but today I reached home almost 6.30pm..I told you, it was only rumours..I received a message sent from the maxis center stating that.."The official from Shell Malaysia and Sabah Petroluem Dealers Association stressed that there is no truth to the rumours of petrol kioks closing for three days - The Star"..I don't understand, why everyone was panicing..hehehe..

Alright..won't talk about it anymore, till the matter arises..again..Now, I'm just trying to unravel the cobwebs in my head..Well, I hope you're being more productive than I am..coz, seriously, I think my level of productivity is below the acceptable standard..Nay'..I was just kidding...Teaching is not really happening afterall, but hey..I can blog, right..and I'm happy..I don't complain too much, unless the problem is directly related to me..and still..I'm not that open..(ceh..then, what am I doing now? telling the whole world that I'm an independent person? goshh!!)

While I'm writing this, I'm listening to my songs in my playlist..Those are collection of my favourite songs..I really think that I would die without musics..I feel like music expresses me more than anything else does..It’s like that song was made just for me to hear..Those lyrics were written with me as the muse.. I know that isn’t really true but that tells you how much a great song it is, if it can impact you like that.. I mean isn’t that what music is all about?...taking a song and telling a story in a way normal speaking wouldn’t be able to do..

Now..I have this simple question that I would love so much to ask you...When you picture your existence, what do you see?..I have my moments when I think there is no way it will get better for me.. However, in the corner of my heart where my deepest feelings lie I know that better days will find the way to me..(they better be,hehehe) I know that the clouds will break and the sun will shine down upon my path and guide me to my destinations..Maybe that it my inherent faith in life. Even in the midst of darkness there is light to show us the way out..Right now that light may be dim, but as you keep moving it will get brighter until your fingers grasp the handle and you open the door to infinite possibilities...wow..Did I just say all those..??

Sometimes I think I try to be someone that I am not because I think people will see me if I act a certain way.. But inside I know that I cannot keep that up, I need to be true to myself.. But when you're lost in your own skin it is hard to know where the truth ends and the lies begin..I don’t want to keep questioning where I belong, who I am and who I am not or what I should be doing..? I just want clarity in my life, the knowledge that I have a place and a purpose in this world.. The knowledge that there are people in this world who truly love and respect me.. The knowledge that when I look in the mirror I will recognize with completeness the person staring back at me...even how much he scares me, sometimes..anyways..life must go on..

I want my heart and my mind to be at ease..I want to know that although I might not have all the answers I can enjoy the journey that leads me to them.. I want to close my eyes and wake up to my dreams as reality.. I want what I want, need what I need and am holding on to my faith and my hope that my better days are on their way..

Emm..patutlah dim2 ja sa nampak sebab sa tidak pasang lampu..cisss...Hehehe..Hey, don't mind me..I love to make joke that no one understand, only me, myself and I..Goodnite all...

Whatttttt??? seriously..That was supposed to be in capital letter..WHAT??..What is it again this time?? My mum kept on calling me when I was having my class this afternoon, but I didn't pick it up..So, when I finally have the chance to call her back..She was talking like a bullet train.."Cepat!!! Pi isi minyak kereta ko, dorang mogok tu skg...) Who...who..?? Mogok...Why?? All the pump station in Sabah are starting a strike against...emm..Seriously..I don't know who..I heard against the government..Okay, breathe in, and breathe out..This couldn't be serious, right? This is just a mere rumors, right??..The fuel price was increased recently, we know that, and we have accepted the fact that fuel is expensive now..But, hey..we can pay, alright!!! I say..WE CAN PAY!!! even with the last penny we have..But, closing down business, and stop us from getting fuel for our cars is just insane..Okay..I'm just going to ignore this stupid nonsense...Why is everyone making such a big fuss...?? Oo wait..why all of a sudden there's a major traffic jam here?? Geeez..I'm getting sick and tired of these dramas..well, if its for real, then our life would be at stake...Sedihnya hatiku..huhuhuhu..Pi beli beras dulu la..byeee

whoahhhhh...this is crazy, I woke up this morning with a song playing in my head..A jazzy kinda song..Me & Mrs Jones...Damn...When I reached the office today (o yeah, there was no traffic jam today as well..cool)..I rushed in to my office so that I can download that song and put it in my playlist..But then, the internet connection was pretty bad this morning, I don't have time to do it as I have Law class starting at 9..You see, whenever I have Law class, it gives shiver down my spine and to my every veins..This is not my subject of expertise..but still..its do-able..There's nothing I can't do...Yeah...Remember, I'm a wonderful and radiant person..hehehe..Anyways..Now I have few collections of jazz song..mostly from Michael Buble..and yess!! I'm gonna find more..of course I won't put them all in my playlist, coz they might bore those who don't listen to jazz..(Now..I really do Love Jazz)...hehehe...Feel free to listen to them ya..(Kalau mau curi pun ok, kestau ja macam si Jerry buat..hehehehe)...

Have a nicer day today..

Don’t worry, that’s not a metaphor for my life. It’s just what I did this morning..A work day starting at 8.30am feels like sleeping-in to me. And instead, my body decided to wake up on it’s own at the regular 6:15 a.m. I’ve always had that “internal” alarm clock,apart from the dogs scrathing on the door whining and crying to be let go..Although it’s not flawless (very far from it), it does surprise me sometimes..Or should I say all the time..

Like this morning, I was awake and alert at an early hour, when I certainly did not have to be. So I took advantage of the extra morning time, and the cooler morning temperatures..I went for a run, with Bobbi.. I decided to try out a new route, one that was being mapped out in my head as I went..That will either make my run seem a little bit shorter because of the adventurous feeling...or it will make it seem painfully long because I realize “Ehh, this is a lot harder than I expected.”. This morning was somewhere in the middle..But do-able..and so I did it my way..hehehe..

Driving to work this morning was so much easier, I mean..there was no traffic jam or what so ever, seemed like the road has been cleared from any traffic, just for me.. so that I could take my sweet time hehehe..Cool..how I wish, driving to work is like this everyday..I know..it's a fantasy that I can only imagine..Shheeess..

I love Monday, I told you guys that before, right?..But today seemed to be a little bit different, just because of that one idiot in my class..I've never been so mad with any of my student until today..Wow, I didn't know that I could be that fierce sometimes..well, I'm just like a sleeping volcano..Once it errupts, its gonna cause a lot of mess..So as they know their limits..and not to go beyond it..Too bad, that incident has ruined the rest of my day..Luckily for me, I don't have class in the afternoon, so listening to some jazz made me feel a bit at ease..

It looks like a normal day for me, nothing really odd about it..I know what to expect on a day like this..I'm still bored like I have always been, and I'm feeling lonely too..deeii...What with that suddeness..Okay, before I brag on, I think I should go to sleep now..Yuki is sleeping soundly on my lap, and I could hardly move coz I just don't want to wake her up..Nite Yuki..Nite all..

hey..I have not been blogging like I used to do lately..Have I been busy?? Not really..but, I just feel like not blogging for a while..Perhaps maybe, I have ran out of ideas of what to blog about..Well, things may not always be that easy on my side, and I do have my highs and lows..anyways, I won't start talking melancholically here..if there's such a word...hehehehe

Well, this is going to be another pictoral post from me..Ow yess, I went for the Jazz festival which was held recently at 1 Borneo..damn!! I never thought Jazz could be sooooooooooo entertaining..I should say, I fall in love with Jazz for the first time..hehe..I listen to jazz, but not up to the point of loving it..now..I have added jazz into my new genre of musics..hehehhee...Thanks to Arteo for the free tickets..If it wasn't for free, I would have not been there..hehehe..Typical me..

ok..just see some of the pics la..


That's me with the Jazz Festival poster...


Si Gidong, si Ramesh om si Junior...smua masih single lagi..kalau ada sepa2 berkenan, antar email ja kio..hehehe..kidding


Ni kawan sa si Arteo..He's going to be transfered to Beluran sudah..Kesian ko bro..tapi, nda pa la kan..ok juga ko tu di sana..Emm..Just don't forget us here..kio..hehehe..


Ni si Junior..chewah, cam artist ja ko pok..hehehe...


Ni pulak si Gidong, yg perasan artist tu..tapi jangan..ada title sudah dia ni tuk satu tahun...Mr...............Gidong...


ni time yg mau pulang sudah..smpt lagi mau begaya..bukan slalu ja bah..kan Idong...

I took some pics of the performers that nite, but they are inside the other camera..I will post them here once I feel like posting them..hehehehe



Bye...

I hate Thursday...Officially hating it starting today..hehehe..Normally I don't have class at 11.15 until 2.30..But I was given a new schedule, and one subject has been added to my already packed schedule..WTF...When I received the new scheduled yesterday, I thought that I'm going to be okay..but, now..I guess that is not ok..It sucks..Hehehe..Am I complaining?? Yes...hehehehe

You see, my class starts at 9. From 9am to 11am I have Reservation and Ticketing class. At 11.15 I have Customer Care and Front Office Operation class until 2.30..From 2.30 until 4.45 I have International Tourism and Tour Operation class...When do I get my lunch then???? Our Classes Coordinator must be out of his mind..

This is not fun at all..Thursday sucks!!!!

Are you feeling like you are hanging on with your fingernails to your desires and just waiting and waiting for everything to come to you?...

Let it all go to the Universe and let it all be well. That’s it...!!!It won’t come any faster if you are hanging on to every sign and micro managing and waiting. This will only bring you more of the same but when you let it all go and let the Universe do its thing, life will take the shift you’ve been looking for..

As you go through out your day today, tell yourself what a wonderful person you are. See the wonderful in yourself. Whether you see that you are wonderful or not, still tell yourself what a wonderful radiant being you are. See your beauty and what a beautiful person you are. Recognize how good you are and how loved you are. Connect these thoughts from your physical self to your Core Being self and then back again. You are a radiant wonderful being that deserves the life that you want...



Just as you know..I am a wonderful and radiant being...(hehehehe)..Who else is going to tell that to you, if not yourself..then..come on, say it to yourself..you're not vain...

Dare to try??..hehehe

These are only some random pics that I would like to share with you..Malas ni mau mengarang buat masa ni..jadi.post2 gambar ja la...


Yukiko San..


Sunset..I took while I was on my way to play tenis..


SLDB building..Fetching up my friend..


ni si Arteo..makaaaaaan ja..hehehe..Kidding bro..

cuba2an yg bulum berapa menjadi...

Aku akan berusaha lagi gigih...

Gambatte Kudasai...

There are just so many things playing in my mind right now..With the recent lost of a dear friend..(I'm not going to talk about it anymore)..Works..and Opportunities for self advancement..

So I called up my dad this morning, or I should have talked to my mum instead, because obviously, my dad wasn't making me feel a lot better..But I guess he has his point there..and I tried calling my mum..Fortunately for me, my mum doesn’t make me feel even worse like my dad did..She gave me some advice, and I guess I’m just trying to follow them now. What was the advice, you ask? To make a list of the pros and cons...

You see, when it comes to making decisions, I suck. I never know what’s going to be right for me, and therefore, ask everyone else what they think I should do. I should have learned by now that might not be the best idea, but sometimes I’m a slow learner.So, ask me..why am I sitting on the fence? Because...I just don't know what to do..I moved back to Sabah in 2005 because I wanted to be close with my parents and the rest of my family members..I also came back here with the assumption that I might be able to get a good job here..

Few weeks ago, I was given this idea of working in KL..Perhaps maybe with a better pay..So the idea came up that I should move to KL, where my younger sister is currently working..I was thinking, there would be tons of opportunities for me to get a good job in KL, so that wouldn't be much of a problem..However, the thought of starting anew and all over again, and the thought of not being able to go back to my parents as in whenever I want to.. put me off..and seriously, I'm not all excited about it when it comes to the matter of my family..I might be staying in a big city..much bigger than KK..but, I think, it's better for me to feel lonely in KK, rather than to be feeling lonely in huge city where nobody really cares about your well being...(not that everyone cares..even if I'm here)..but being close to my family give me a strong sense of belonging and security..

and of course..what about my lovely children? I'm talking about bobbi, rex, sisqo, rocky and my baby Yuki??..Are they willing to be transported to KL..There would be no beach for them, there would be no sports complex where they could play in..and what if I have to be away from home for few days..Who's going to look after them?? These are all the pros and cons that I really need to look into..Afterall, life is all about being happy..But still..I am considering it...

My dad said...NO..
My mum said...Up to you...
My sister...Jangan la bah tua sudah dorang mummy and daddy tu..
I said...I don't know....

Alright, I'm not going to let myself be overwhelmed with sorrow...Eventhough it's really sad, and painful..I'm going to cheer myself up with all these upcoming events and activities that are going to take place soon..Yeah very soon...

Sipadan Island
Yup..I have confirmed my place for the Sipadan trip by the end of August..But, I just can't wait for that one, so I'm going there next month..11th July 2008, means..I'm gonna be celebrating my birtday diving the whole day..Whoaah!!!! This is gonna be real fun..and I'm actually jumpping up and down now..hehehe... And again, in August I'm going with the group again..whohhhaao!!! So this weekend, we need to take a refreshment dive ni pok..hehehe..

Manila trip..
It feels like going back home..hehe..(perasan)..I'm sooooooo excited about this one..I've been there for few times already, and I'm still excited...This is going to be on the 17th of September...

Now..sa happy sudah sikit..I can concentrate on my work..but..Need to pay my last respect to the deceased..This is really nerve wrecking..I'm not sure what to expect..Tapi apa2 pun..Sa tatap mau pi juga..

This was taken on Sunday, February 10, 2008..on his birthday..


I really thought that he was going to be ok..and that he will be able to live a normal life..away from any sickness..

MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE

The good Lord has taken back his soul last night..The long and endless suffering has come to an end..Living behind all the memories and dear love ones..My heart stopped beating for a while when I received the short text from Junior this morning..Only yesterday, I told Junior that Clay is going to be fine..I felt cold tears at the corner of my eyes..I really feel a great lost..Eventhough I only knew him just for a short time...

I cannot help but to remember all those times that Jr and I went to visit him in the hospital, and last February we attended his really grand birthday celebration..He was looking good, I mean, he was getting better...He went through the chemotherapy, and then the cancer recurred, terminal stage..and the Lord took back what is His..I remember again the struggles he went through. The better half, always suffers the worst..I, perhaps have only the slightest idea of what he is going through.. This is really sad..

Lord in Heaven, Master of the adepts, I give you all praise, blessings and peace. I realize that this mortal life is but a temporary way station in our journey, and what we call death is but a rebirth into another state of being, another leg of our trek home. I pray especially for the Spirit of Clarance, that it will make a peaceful and lucid transition into its next phase of reintegration. May the angels of the Lord assist and guide him through this period of change..I surrender everything in the name of your Holy Son Jesus, The Father and Holy Spirit..Amen...

When I look back over my life I can see lots of coincidences, lots of things that just happened and coincided with other things that then produced a good outcome...Sometimes you can see that actually these weren’t coincidences but events brought about by subconscious choice, but that in itself raises questions...Sometimes it is a set of circumstances that are already preset which then run into other random circumstances which make us speak of coincidences..

I read into things all the time. I overanalyze people’s words even when they are just electronic letters typed on a screen or messages sent through a cell phone...I replay conversations over and over in my head searching for meaning when it was just shallow nothingness...And I also wonder when random people keep popping up unexpectedly in life..Like recurring themes in an author’s style of writing, and reruns on TV...Is it some sort of mystical power system where people are strung together? Or is it just mere coincidences.

Well whatever it is..everything happens for a reason..I hope they are not too complicated...

Too sleepy..turus malas mau sambung lagi..hehehe

Please help find for this girl...She's our friend Bobby's little sister..I mean youngest sister..Please also, spread this news by re-posting it in your blog..That's the least we can do right..and your prayers are much needed..

Thanks for helping our friend who is indeed in need of help..

I'm currently feeling real damn bored..Like hell knows how..to the extend that I tried to teach my dogs to fly..hehehe..well that was totally a joke..Been watching TV since I got back home this evening, and been worrying too much because it's still raining..yesterday was a disaster, not a complete disaster of course, the water went into the house and flooded our living room..Rex and the rest of the doggies were so excited, they were running around and playing with the water..As a result, I have a home full of wetness..I called in and told my boss that I'm gonna be a bit late because I need to do some cleaning, but damn..he asked me to come before 9am...being a good employee I am..I have to leave home in its' very sad and disasterous condition..but when I came home this evening, the house was really clean, no more water..I guessed they have been playing all day long and somehow swept and dried the water off..All I need to do was do some sweeping of the floor..

Watching Tv doesn't help much to ease my boredom..and playing with dogs could be a bit tiring, especially if you have a big dog like Rex..anyway, i love the hide and seek and chasing games with him..Clever boy..Now that everyone is tired, I could do some blogging again..and to my surprised..OMG!!! I have been tagged!! I can't believe it..(being dramatic for the first time today)..Alright SV, I will do it delightfully..Since I don't have any better thing to do..and I don't have any friend to talk with..I wonder, where are they and what are they doing right now..Right..Before loneliness overcome my heart and soul..I'd better do my assignment..Thanks SV..I do appreciate..remember?..Hehhehe


Tagged by : SmallVille a.k.a SV..

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

Question Removed: Question No 13. What is your ambition?

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
To be clearly honest, I could never tell you this..It would come, but not so soon..But then again, it comes without notice..When the right person comes at the right time, you all would be notified..through my blog..hehehe..

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Wait..a ticket? is it all there is? What about accommodation? Food and beverages? Entertainment? hehehe..Yeah..kalau mau sponsor, jan alang2 ya..hehe..Anyway, the ticket alone would do, I love to go to Paris..Don't ask why..I'm a romantic person..La mangkali..hehehe

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
The latest I have dicovered scuba diving..and I've been thinking about diving all the time..The weather has not been fair lately, and I can't do much about it..hope it would do justice by next month..Crossing my fingers..and o yess..I love to play with my puppies...

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
I don't think but, I'm sure that money can buy happiness..Are you out of your mind..you won the jackpot RM16Mill..wouldn't you be happy..? You tell me...Cisss..I'm not hypocritical that's why I say, Yesssssss!!!


5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
One unit of house in Golden Hills..the new phase please..Corner lot some more ok..Everyday I pass by that housing area, I would dream, and I wish I was one of the tenants there..bukan menyewa aa, sa punya sendiri..So who can make my dream come true again?? Who..you ka SV..? hehehe

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Hell no..The only reason I'm still alive now is because of money...hehehe..(Butul2 mata duitan)..hey, come on, be realistic, if you don't have money, you will not die right away, but eventually you will..Thats why I'm working my ass everyday to earn my living..


7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My family, friends, and my dogs..and love ones...Like for instance now..I feel like I'm losing my best friend(s)..huhuhu...

8. What is your current mood?
bored..i told you..

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
yes..given the right time and situation..why not..?

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
Si SV?..cheeful, intelligent, and loving...(hhihihi..loving ka ko sv? Sa antam ja tu..hehehe)


11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
To be with me till Thy Kingdom comes..if we could wait..


12. What type of person do you hate the most?
the type that lives in fantasy, and indecisive..like me..I really need to change, or else I end up hating myself..

13. What is your weakness?
"is' is singular..so I'm going to write only one..I tend to delay doing things that I could have done today..My greatest weakness...

14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
i would love to go to heaven like you Sv, but I don't think teleporting to heaven could be possible..So I'll say, I would teleport to Paris..so to the person who is going to sponsor my tour ticket..Thank you but no thank you..Save your money for someone else..hehehe..Sumbung dan begayanya aku..hehehe

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
family, wisdom and love...Money is important but, you can earn them by using your wisdom..


16. Do u fix a broken heart or let Time heal the Pain?
I fix a broken heart by letting time heal the pain..


17. If you have a chance, which character or person in this world would you like to be?
Seriously saying..I don't have any idol..but if you insist..I would say, Pak Lah.."Saya nak umumkan,besok harga minyak seluruh Malaysia turun RM2.00"..Suke?? hehehe

18. What is your idea of relaxation?
a strange and mystic place..with my camera and..with my buddy...(diving la kali tu kan ada buddy2..hehehehe)...


19. What are your habits?
Don't say the words I've been needing to say, sleep before going to my class in the afternoon..5 minutes only aa..and I hate ironing my shirt..nasib baik ada org tulung kadang2..hehehe

20. If one day you couldn't do the things that you are used to doing now anymore, how would you feel?
If everyone else can't..then i will be ok..but, If I'm the one and only person can't anymore..I would be jealous..Coz I'm such a jealous guy...hahahaha

I have fun doing this..but sv..I could only think of 3 persons to tag now..

1. UrangRanau
2. Reno
3. Gurangank (a bit unsure about this one..hehehe)

anyway, if you don't do it pun ok je..ni afterall si SV yg suruh sa..kan Sv..hehehehe

Okay, I totally missed the entire point of having a blog..Well, I got half of it.. I was sharing my thoughts and feelings with you, but I wasn’t listening to what you have to say. So from now on, I’m going to focus more on reading and learning than on posting. I’ve got a lot to learn about life and can’t help others unless I learn more.

I am still going to post daily, but I am going to read much, much more. That’s right. I’m going to be reading your blog and posting comments. I am going to read and comment until my eyes and fingers are sore..Kidding, not to that extend la..Your blogs are great and there is so much to learn. I’m being humble here and am just realizing how little I know...

I will try to respond to all of your comments on my blog, eventhough, there are not many of them, and I should be able to respond, right..So if you post a comment, you know that I appreciate your encouragement very much...

Thanks ya...

Maybe all we really want to know in life is that we’re not alone. We’re in this fight together. Someone else knows what it’s like..what the tears feel like, the lonely nights, the phone calls, the struggle. Maybe in our honesty, we want to know we’re not the only ones in the dark and that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. When we find the commonality and shared experience, we can laugh, joke, smile, or even cry together about the darkness...Time will find the way...

For your viewing..No one was drunk in this event..Nampaknya sumua pun logop..Hehe..Malas mau cerita apa yg berlaku..So kamurang tingu2 ja la ni album sa kio..


haa..tu sa cuba2 ja tu, sama ada tu sisha ok ka tidak..sbb malam tu sa bertugas sebagai AJK siopon dan Sisha..tapi last2 si Arteo yg pi overtake sa punya keja jadi AJK siopon..Huh..Butul2 suka membandung orang ba ko arteo..Hehehe tapi nda pa, tu Siopon tu khas untuk mu jua kan..hehehe


Tingu la, smua pun relax2 ja..mcm teda2 party ja kan..emm..(dorang pura2 ja tu)..hehehe


Pok, sikit lagi pok..hehe..Panat2 kita pi cari tu siopon tu pok..Misti mau kasi abis..si arteo bukan dapat kasi abis tu..hehehee



Si bobby pun ada..tapi dari dia datang sampai dia balik sa inda dingar pun dia beckp..tau2 tu masa di Pusakag the night before sa dingar dia la yg paling banyak cakap..Napa ko tu Bobby? ko malu2 sama sepa tu? ko kestau ja sa..Pssst..Kasi bisik ja la..oo..sa tau sudah..hehehe


ini si Azlin..Toyota punya staff ni..mula2 dia nda mau juga tu, last2 nda dapat menepis paksaan dari emm..sepa tu yg paksa dia tu aa? Sa lupa..tapi yg penting bukan sa la..si Arteo kali..hehhe


Si gidong pun ada juga..ehh..Mr....hehe..dia ni pun diam2 juga..malu2 juga ni..tah sama sepa ko malu2 tu Dong..Nda kan ko malu sama si Bobby plak kan..hehehe..ko malu sama si donna kali tu..ciss!! nda pulak ko malu masa the night before kan..emm..









Si jaSon, Si Rudy, si Donna and Si Jerry..Thanks for coming..kamurang juga la yg kasi best tu malam..Kalau kmurang teda, memang nda best la tu malam tu..


Emm..kamu rasa dorang adik beradik kaini? emm..mcm tidak juga kan..tapi ada persamaan ni..hehehe..kdding kio..jan la cpt ambil hati..hehehe..Actually, banyak lagi gambar bah tu..tapi malas la sa mau edit2 and then mau post2.. Len kali lagi la..

COuldnt't wait for July to come..

just feel at odds today..A clutter in the head..Is there enough space in your head for your own decisions, that you have to make space for the decisions of others...And then weigh your own against them?..well…i guess sometimes others have to do the same for us too..I wish things were a little simpler though..the decisions others are making often put your own decisions under the scanner, leads to a lot of unnecessary thoughtd and mostly anxieties..

We all make decisions all of the time, and each one of them, large or small, creates change within us. Since change is frightening, making a decision can be frightening too. The process can become easier by asking ourselves the right questions “Do I really want to do this?” or, “Will it benefit my life?” or “Is it realistic?” These questions help us know our true feelings..these are the most important components of any decision we must make.

I don’t understand..I seem to have completely lost all ability to comprehend anything, least of all myself..I’m utterly lost about everything in life..Indecision has never been so in control of my life as it has lately..On some level, I am happy, I have almost everything I want and such but still, there’s a vague sense of wanting something that I don’t know about. A constant nagging at the back of my head that won’t go away. Normally, I know exactly what I crave for, so even if I don’t get it, I know what I want for myself.

Lately, I can’t even figure that bit out. I’m so unbelievably anchorless which is slightly ironic considering that I’m completely held down by my life here… I need a change of society before I go completely insane..Complicated..that's how I sum up my day today..

I'm still a cheerful person though...

I’m trying desperately to find something deep and poetic within myself... to find words and phrases that fit together like the ocean and the sand, like fireflies and the nights, like anything else that fits together perfectly... But it seems that the harder i try to find that “something”, or to figure out any of the circumstances of what is going on, the further those ideas slip from my grasp or understanding...and I'm still at lost..Ughhh (not really..being a bit dramatic again)..

I'm sitting in front of my lap top now, and I think that I am in the mood to post...maybe it’s the writer in me, maybe i’m just bored...or maybe, I'm just being me..I’m going to do it anyways..So if you’re not interested I understand...I give you permission to stop and click out now..or, check out other's..This will probably be a little random, and you may not like what I say, so be prepared...hehe..Seriously, nothing..really..

I have to tell you how funny it is to look at how much I’ve changed..but It’s even funnier to look at how much I haven’t..I think that's pathetic, not funny.. sure, I have successfully finished 6 terms here and made it through everything alive. (maybe even with a little liver failure...who knows...I've been eating my liver all these while "makan hati"..hehe) ..I’m still extremely afraid of rejection..My feelings are still very easily hurt, and I still hide pain with words dripping in sarcasm...

When I was young, I was taught that when things get tough I always have tomorrow to look forward to...The notion that tomorrow will always bring better things is one that continues to be taught today..But tomorrow for me brings something different than the promise of something “better”...it brings me one day closer to having to figure out what tomorrow really means...Because tomorrow, is another day for me to live...and I don't know what tomorrow might bring..

Hey don't get me wrong, I'm not being melancholic here..I'm just too sleepy and bumped out after my Law class just now..Seiously hating it with every vein I have in my body..It's too theoritical and very serious subject..I'm trying my best to keep my cool and make it fun for my one and only student who is taking the subject this semester..That sucks..but..I'm the boss, I do what I want and she follows..huahua..

okay, whoever is nearby (even yg jauh) and free on Saturday, come over to Junior's house in Dabak Penampang..ada aramaiti..hehehe..

Happy weekends...

I cannot make anyone love me...But I can let myself be loved..Throughout life we meander along and learn lessons along the way...But in learning these lessons, we set into stone sometimes that we make people feel less than dirt...I have done that...I admit it. It has been done to me...But you know, I regret those I’ve done it to, because it was usually someone very close to me, someone I loved and valued...and a very dear to my heart..

Some of life lessons that I have picked up are these...

I have learned that it only takes a few short seconds to rip open deep wounds in a person that we love and that it takes years to heal them...I am still learning that to forgive, I must practice forgiveness.

I have learned that a true friend knows all about me and they love me anyhow! How cool is that..But, I wonder now..who are they??...I am learning that it is not always enough that others forgive me, but that I learn to forgive myself...This is an ongoing battle that I may face till the end..I don't know...

I have learned not to compare myself to others, there is absloutely no way I can measure up. I love life. I enjoy people and I love to see someone smile...And, most importantly, I have learned that people will forget what I have said, they will forget what I did, but they may never forget how I made them feel.

Whattttt!!!!!!!! Again..and I think, this time is the worst..an 80 cents increase is such a big different man!!! Now,this is ridiculous..I was lining up like crazy last night..I mean lining up to fuel up my car tank..and this was seen in most if not all the gas stations nationwide..It has caused major traffic jammed, and frustration to all of us..

That was almost 40% or so increased in the gas price..RM0.80 for petrol and RM1.00 fir diesel..emmm...CRAZY..That's all I can say about this..For those of you who are driving, you will feel the burden..well, not unless you are filthy rich of course.. 40% jump from RM1.92 per litre to RM2.70.!!!! Will this stop at RM2.70 or gonna increase some more? What happen to the oil in our country! Why we have to pay more, where does the rest of oil from malaysia goes? Ok fine, oil price has increased, atleast reduce the parking fees or abolish it..

Before the incresed in fuel price..or I should say, only last night before 12..if I were to fill up my car tank, it costs me RM65-70 only..now, if i'm not wrong with my calculation..it's gonna cost me RM115...Damnnnnnn!!!!!! That's really unacceptable..

Anyway..this is beyond our will, and too bad, there's nothing we can do about it..I just hope, the person who is responsible for this will really look into the welfare of all our people..I'm sure, he has never been to the gas station to fuel up his car..And that is really2 SUCK!!! I don't know..who am I hating so much here..hehe..

pa buli buat la labu..kita terima ja..kalau nda tahan sudah, kita bakar ja gas station yg berhampiran..huhu

The greatest irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life...and sometimes, you think you’re already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person..To some, they are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present..It’s just that one was being loved too much while the other was being loved too little...Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love. But to only discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

So here’s a piece of advice, let go when you’re hurting too much. Give up when love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more...

NOw..Pi masuk kelas and ajar budak2 nakal dulu...

I'm done with my class, so here I am doing the thing I love the most...'interneting' if there is such a word..hehe..Now, I think I can do one more entry before I head home today..Let me see..I was tagged by Chegu Carol..emm..I'll do it..

these are the questions I need to answer..Truthfully..(I'll try my best..hehehe)

The Questions

1. When you buy a greetings card, are the words or the picture more important to you?
Well, I go for the wordings..Doesn't matter if the picture is terrible,
the words that matter the most..

2. What’s your favorite kind of cake?
Seriously, I'm not a cake person..I mean i'm not really into cakes..but if I was
to choose..that would be..Cappucino or Yam flavoured cake..

3. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them?
Yes..I did that when I was younger and was practically tight with my budget..I
made a journal book made of scarp papers and gave it to my girlfriend..that was
last time.I think that was cool...NOw, I prefer to just buy..

4. What’s your favorite holiday?
My favourite holiday is when I'm not doing anything at all..and I'm somewhere far
away from my everyday routine and environment..

5. Are you going on holiday this year? If so, where?
Yes I am..I'm going to Manila again..It's gonna be really soon...and I'm gonna
celebrate independence day in Sipadan..whooaahh!! Can't wait..Buy ticket first
la..hehehe

6. What was the best party you’ve ever been to?
a masquarade party when I was in Shah Alam..and also my own birthday party last
year..hehehe..

7. If you are married, describe your wedding. If not, what would your ideal wedding
be like..?
I'm not married yet, so it's kinda hard for me to imagine..but, I think it would
very simple..preferably a simple garden or beach wedding..my dogs would be
my bible boy, and bestdogs..and Yuki would be my flower puppy..
Opss..Or..do I get to choose? Isn't that supposed to be the bride's choice? emm...

8. What’s the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to you?
Someone surprised me with a bouquet of flowers..haha..It still funny whenever i
think about it..hehe

9. What’s your favorite girl’s name?
Roxanne..I can call her Roxy or Anne..

10. What’s your favorite boy’s name?
Ramesh..Hahaha..Kidding..That would be Shafiq..Hahaha..Seriously it's Roger..
When I was in the club and people ask for my name, I always introduce myself as
Shafiq or Roger..Hahaha..that was last time, now..I just use my name..Eventually
everyone would come to know that I lied..hehehe

12. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful?
They are all beautiful.. even Macy Gray..hehehe..Ok la..Sa choose si Marsha..hehe

13. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive?
I think they all attractive, but I don't have any favourite male artist..

14. What is your best character trait?
I think I'm funny, and I'm an optimist..(kavagu..)

15. What is your worst habit?
I'm ignorant..sometimes I just don't care about anything..that's my habit..

Okay..I've done my part..and this tag ends here..ow..well, if anyone of you wants to do it..By all means please do so..

Hey..I'm going in to my class in a short while..in less than 10 minutes or so..and I'm still contemplating whether to just cancell it or continue with my lectures..Seriously, I'm getting really lazy these days..Ughh!! I need some sort of motivations..and energy boosters...

anyway, I'm just going in my class and pretend that I know exactly what I'm going to do..

I just hate my afternoon class...

There comes a time when everything just downs on you without any warning, without any reason. When you finally feel the need to stop lazying about the house without any aim to do anything productive but just sit on that comfortable couch..you spend hours watching absolutely anything on the tele’ with one hand holding the remote control and the other hand is holding a ciggaratte..and that continues.. Wondering..not actually paying attention to what is shown on tv...Myself? How I carry myself about around college, the place I work with, how attentive I am for the classes..I feel the need to skip everything..every once in a while, the slacking mode that turns on basically every single time I go into a class, feeling like all of my energy has walked right out the door the moment I see a classroom. I’m lazy..Lazy as hell..and no one can save me..huhu..

On a different level of my life, I’ve never felt so close with my parents. I feel free to talk to them just about anything more than ever before...Perhaps because I’ve grown compared to the years I used to cause them so much problems and made their life difficult... Not saying I don’t anymore but I’ve gained their full-fledged trust and it feels unbelievably fantastic!!!.. There’s so much I’m so pumped to do with my life that includes my parents, most which are personal. The most important main one is to make them proud, I really hope I’ll push myself to make all that room for improvement...It’s about time. I've turned legal and I haven’t taken the responsibility of a young adult..how ungrateful..

Works, parents and my social life, if you know me well enough, you know I’m known to be a social butterfly that you’ll see being around different groups of people all the time. I believe everything has its pros and cons...Along the way, I’ve met great people who has left their marks on my heart and people who I’ve learned I should keep distance with to avoid any drama and unnecessary emotional pain.. but there are those that you know you can always count on, even when you feel like you’re all alone.. When you feel as though you really can’t open up your heart to anyone not even your closest friend who you hang with all the time, laugh with just about anything... When you leave all those selfish thoughts behind, and clear you mind you’ll come to realize that there has always been someone right there for you to turn to...Constantly reminding you that she or he’s there for you if you ever need someone to talk to..It doesn’t mean that you’ve known each other for such a long time and had too much drama along the way it doesn’t mean that you should fail to try to talk to someone. Or even if you’ve known someone for such a short period of time, a genuine friend with a pure heart would be there for a friend...The ones that are there are the ones that you know will always be there for you, they’re the ones you should not take for granted, because anything can happen anyday..

I've said too much and I seriously feeling a little stupid right now..I hope my next trips would be happening..I really need to get away from all the nonsense of works and work related environments..for now..I have this song in my mind...



Sometimes I wonder by the look in your eyes
When I'm standing beside you
There's a fever burning deep inside
Is there another in your memories
Do you think of that someone
When you hear that special melody

I always stop and think of you especially
When the words of a love song
Touch the very heart of me

There'll be sad songs to make you cry
Love songs often do, yes they do
They can touch the heart of someone new
Saying that I love you (Baby I love you)

I often wonder how it could be you loving me
Two hearts in perfect harmony
I count the hours until that day
Til the rhapasody plays
A melody for you and me

Until the moment when you give your love to me
You're the one I care for
The one that I will wait for

There'll be sad songs to make you cry
Love songs often do
They can touch the heart of someone new
Saying that I love you

You're my desire, you take me highter
My love is like a river running so deep


There'll be sad song (to make you cry) by Billy Ocean...I'm not feeling sad, but this song remind me of things that I wish to forget..haha...

Hey people..It's a new month and the first day of the week and my mind is not functioning the way it is supposed to be..not that I have too much of the siopon or the beers over the weekends (infact..I think..I have taken them in moderation..yeah, I'd like to think of it that way..hehe), simply because I'm not ready to teach yet..remember, my mind is too cluttered with lots of things, and it is still..hehe..Kidding, I managed to get rid of all those wild imaginations and I'm not thinking about them..not anymore...So, could be..maybe I'm just being so fat and lazy ass..hehehe..Well, I have to admit that I'm having a monday blues..Yeah, call it whatever..Black Monday..I don't care..seriously, I wanna be somewhere else at the moment, anywhere at all but not in the classroom...

I did come home to my parents last Saturday, and that was an overwhelming welcome home gathering for all of us..I mean the siblings..Everyone was home..But my brother wasn't home when I came back, he went to his friend's wedding..Well, actually my friend also..I passed by the house of the bride, but I didn't stop..I do feel guilty, but hey..I'm sure, if I did, I won't be able to make it home to my parents..I would be forced to drink till I drop, and that wasn't my plan..so, I was doing the right thing..hehehe..My brother came back only few minutes before I was ready to make my move..That's why, he's not in the pictures..


that's the new highway..Ugh..A highway in Kota Belud with frequent roadblocks...Cow Cops..hehehe..Well, this new road has shortened the other wise 2 hours journey by 30 minutes..


growing up as a kampung boy, this is my old school..There are not many changes..It's still the same old school that I attended 20 years ago..I stopped by to reminisce my childhood..very nostalgic...


My beloved mum and dad..After all these years they still treat me like their small boy..I have nothing to complain about that..In fact I'm proud and I'm happy to have such a wonderful parents..(everyone does)..Before I went back to KK that day, my mum called out and say "bah, selalu2 la balik selagi kami masih hidup"..Come home as often, while we're still alive...emm..How can I not feel guilty hearing that...I will mum..I will...


my family members..with my brother in law, nephew and niece..could have been complete if my brother was there..


Thats the siblings..any resemblance? teda kan..mcm bukan adik beradik ja..hehehe