Random Thoughts

It's funny, sometimes...or most of the time I don't understand the sudden change of emotions I'm having..but, at least, I know..they are still in control..I was lazying around in the office just now, feeling really bored and I think I can die of this boredom..Oh yes, in case if you're wondering, if I have nothing to do..I salute myself for having done all my works earlier before the semseter starts, and now all I have to do is to deliver my lectures..what else can I do, I wonder...then, I took the newspaper and started reading so seriously..That is how, this sudden feeling arise...

I don’t know if I am depressed, and I am not even sure if my life is in danger but I just know that I am tired of feeling nothing for my life.. I have a small, limited satisfaction in the things I do.. Life does feel like a chore, but not a chore I completely detest, but a chore that I’ve grown so mindless at..a blur and I hardly remember what the motivation is..

It is increasingly less about social anxiety as it is about my displeasure with going about daily life. I hear, watch and read tragic things on the news, thousands of deaths involved, and for some sick reasons I feel absolutely nothing at all. No initial shock. It takes longer and longer for me to put myself in another’s shoes and feel sympathy. I feel shame for that..Really..

I am a positive and cheerful person, one who sees the glass as being half full..and I find excitements in even the smallest thing..As much as I try not to get myself into depression..I cannot run, let alone hide from the facts that life has its' ups and downs..To blame oneself on what is happening around you or to you is more than just a norm..We feel better if we could blame someone for the thing that goes wrong..

Right now I feel hopeless..I am wondering if I even have an issue here, maybe I am imagining something that’s not real.. I have the feeling there is nothing anyone can do to help me here...It’s never been anyone else’s responsibility to keep me alive, anyway... I hope life would get better for each and everyone of us..Be cheerful anyway...