Life's...Great
I was at work... Overwhelmed.. There was nothing much to do today..It has been since last week after I have almost completed my lectures for all subjects.. Most of the time, I'm surfing the net searching for nothing in particular..Then, I went outside.. As the rain poured, I stood with my cigarette watching the rain. I was thinking about how I wanted to run, run away, and how an actual run would have to suffice.. The rain was inhibiting that plan.. I wanted to fall, melt onto the pavement..If only I am that daredevil...
Watching myself from the outside, hearing other’s advice should I choose to share...? How easy it should be to overcome this..Telling myself I always do. But, yet these moments exist.. I am still overwhelmed. Now I'm at home feeling horrible... Thinking about life and my future. Thinking about being perfect and how I offered to help. And have failed to.. Thinking about the many people in my life..and realizing how I procrastinate...Sometimes if not most of the time..I long for simplicity..
Well, I'll say... Smile. Enjoy the moments. The days will go on. I will enjoy the island this monthend.. I realize that my hesitance, my internal stresses were heightened when I thinkt about how I would make other people feel. Guilty as I am...And hence came the moment... I come to realize that, a common thread linking to so many of my problems.. It’s the “WANT”. I want to do more than my capacity allows.
I want to be everything to everyone..(I know, I'm just a nobody to everyone..) I hide and punish myself when I am not.. To the outside world, I am busy or flaky. Internally, I am in prison, suffering for my lack of production.. When two friends both want to do something conflicting, I do nothing...I do nothing when I think I may hurt someone and I end up hurting them more. Why? Where does this stem from? . . . It’s amazing how my capacity for certain stresses has no limit. While others, mostly when they affect other’s emotions, are paralyzing..
anyway, life is Great..I should cherish every single second of my life and enjoy it to the fullest...
Watching myself from the outside, hearing other’s advice should I choose to share...? How easy it should be to overcome this..Telling myself I always do. But, yet these moments exist.. I am still overwhelmed. Now I'm at home feeling horrible... Thinking about life and my future. Thinking about being perfect and how I offered to help. And have failed to.. Thinking about the many people in my life..and realizing how I procrastinate...Sometimes if not most of the time..I long for simplicity..
Well, I'll say... Smile. Enjoy the moments. The days will go on. I will enjoy the island this monthend.. I realize that my hesitance, my internal stresses were heightened when I thinkt about how I would make other people feel. Guilty as I am...And hence came the moment... I come to realize that, a common thread linking to so many of my problems.. It’s the “WANT”. I want to do more than my capacity allows.
I want to be everything to everyone..(I know, I'm just a nobody to everyone..) I hide and punish myself when I am not.. To the outside world, I am busy or flaky. Internally, I am in prison, suffering for my lack of production.. When two friends both want to do something conflicting, I do nothing...I do nothing when I think I may hurt someone and I end up hurting them more. Why? Where does this stem from? . . . It’s amazing how my capacity for certain stresses has no limit. While others, mostly when they affect other’s emotions, are paralyzing..
anyway, life is Great..I should cherish every single second of my life and enjoy it to the fullest...
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