Random Thoughts

You might be asked, How are you feeling?...most of the time I would only say, I'm ok..Even though, deep down in my heart, I am actually not okay..That's me, I don't share my feeling or emotions freely...and most of the time, I manage to control my emotion by just letting it goes the way it should..Works the best for me...to be silent and ignorant...

I hate emotions... You can’t control them and often they show up at the worst times.. When I say emotions I mean mainly crying or depressed.. Anger also gets in the way a lot and of course jealousy... Jealousy is the worst thing in the world. Everyone sees it.. And I generally can tell when I am jealous and I feel so foolish... Also people do really dumb stuff when they are jealous..Jealousy causes stupid fights and often untrue accusations..

Crying/depression is also a lame emotion.. I attempt to cry as little as possible, but it just doesn’t work.. I cry (well, most likely just teary) during sad movies, during romantic tragedies (that shouldn’t count as bad), when I see homeless animals/people, when someone I love is crying, and on and on.. I hate when I begin to cry and am at the same time trying to comfort someone.. But it is so wrenching when you see someone that you care about in terrible pain (and somehow my sympathy goes out to people in sad movies too, hehe…). Most of the time I can hold my tears in and generally this is when it has to do with relationships.. I want to be tough and not be seen as someone who is weak... Eventually the dam breaks though and then I am left with nothing.. I also hate those times when tears might actually do some good but I am unable to cry because I am just completely messed up — as in feeling a billion things at once...The last time I cried was 2 weeks ago..Hahaha, that was funny, we were drinking...and I was crying like someone had died...and the next morning I received a text message from my Dad that my Grandpa has passed away...a coincidence maybe...During the funeral, I didn't cry anymore, I was just teary..ya, teary...seeing my mum and other family members crying made me feel like crying too, but..I didn't...

And then there is anger… one of the most moronic and possibly, for atleast some of us, the most out of control...Your blood boils and you get so mad... Anger generally destroys everything and there is no bright side to it..I used to have very short temper..I thank God that now, I can somehow control my anger...I'm happy with my life now..Everything seems to be in control..and I'm happy I don't have to live in lies anymore....

well, anyway, I say, basically emotions are at times very unhelpful and annoying....Don't let emotions control your life...

Happy WEekends...Will be playing Ultimate Frisbee later after work with some of the O2C members..we will be doing charity visit to Seri Mengasih (down syndrome kids) tomorrow, and on Sunday, I will be volunteering in the Borneo International Marathon...Yehaaaa....