Random Thoughts

Looking up into the pale blue sky, I thought I saw my saviour. My guiding light, something I’ve been wishing and searching for years to find. But like all the other times it was a haze in the distance, a figment of imagination. I sighed as I looked forward, bringing my eyes down to the earth I wanted to escape. Sometimes, I feel like running away, just for a while, to a strange and mystic place, where nobody knows me..I would climb up to the highest tower, and scream on top of my lungs..I want to wander free and do whatever I want..Without being judged or being monitored by those wild eyes..Why do they even care..? What’s wrong with these people…Anyway, life, especially mine, has been like this for as long as I can remember. At least the air that I breathe is free..If I was to pay for it, I could have been dead, long ago. I finished eating my cup noodles, of which I forget how it tasted, I must have been dreaming, I just hope, I’m not losing my sanity yet.

Time had a new found speed out here away from the confines of work. I knew today like all other days would see me at home before I knew it, the weekend fast approaching and even faster would it be Monday morning yet again. I’m tired of doing the same old things over and over again. I demand for betterment. Could I ever do things differently? Of course I can, but why am I doing these? I tried not to get drawn into wishing for time to stand still, a fantasy that I used to have as a child. Why would I want time to stop since I really didn't have anything to stop it for? Even the most intelligent person could never invent anything to stop the time, then what do I have? I have no family of my own, no children, no wife, not even a girlfriend, only my two puppies, whom I love so much, more than I love myself, and friends who keep me entertain during my most gloomy day. But anyway, I wasn't miserable. At least, I have a really nice and proper shelter, to which I go home everyday after a long hours of working.. Back to the place, where all the nonsense evolve, and the imaginations get wild..

Well ok, I was miserable, but what could I do about it? Killing myself? That would be messy and I have no time to actually go out and do something. Oh yes, I walk my dog in the garden, or field and I love those moments, at least, these two cuties are for real, they are my only true friends. Well, human being cannot be trusted, they have their evil plans, it is so bad, that I am one of them..Damn it… I was just sick of it all. A holiday was so trite, quitting seemed a bit extreme and shooting my boss, well lets just say he wasn't worth it. Suddenly, I feel so tired, and I couldn’t cope with these conflicts within myself. I feel like everything else is meaningless..I tried to calm myself down, but my other conscience is too wild to be tamed. I heard this song playing in my head..


In a little while from now,
If I'm not feeling any less sour.
I promised myself, to treat myself,
And visit a nearby tower ..........
And climbing to the top,
Would throw myself off,
In an effort to, make clear to whoever,
What it's like when your shattered .......
Left standing in a lurch,
In a church with people saying .....
My God, that's tough, she stood him up,
No point in us remaining .......
I may as well go home,
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally.

To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay.
Looking forward to, and who wouldn’t do,
The role I was about to play.
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around,
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces.
Leaving me to doubt, all about God and His mercy,
Oh, if He really does exist,
Why did He desert me?
And in my hour of need,
I truely am, indeed,
Alone again, naturally.

It seems to me that there are more hearts,
Broken in the world that can’t be mended,
Left unattended, what do we do?
What do we do?

Now looking back over the years,
And whatever else that appears.
I remember I cried when my father died,
Never wishing to hide the tears.
At sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand why the only man,
She had ever loved had been taken.
Leaving her to start, with a heart so badly broken,
Despite encouragement from me,
No words were ever spoken.
And when she passed away,
I cried and cried all day,
Alone again, naturally .....
Alone again ................................. naturally.

(emmm…to be continued aa…I have ran out of ideas)…