Random Thoughts

Soft, pattering teardrops of water, cascading down from the sky, flooding the rivers and holes on the road, pounding on your window panes and trickling down from the tree leaves..I actually like the rain... I like the way it makes everything look greener afterwards (because of something to do with ozone, but I can’t remember what), and the way it cleans everything, and how you can splash in the puddles and make ripples and jump in and out of the mud (hey, no one’s too old for a little fun!although, I seldom do this anymore)... I like the noise it makes... That noise could put me right to sleep... Rain is, actually, beautiful...

I can’t seem to get enough with having memory recalls every time the rain falls... Several days this week have been rainy and each time presents new random memories...I always have this worry whenever it rains heavily..I would call my parents, or my sisters asking them where they are, just to make sure that they are ok...I don't know, why..Last weekend my parents went to Pitas to see the piece of land that the government gave us...and it was raining..I called my Dad like hundred times, but I can't get through him..because there's no telephone coverage in the middle of the jungle...I was damn worried..The night we went on our regular night out, I was really quiet..My sister told be to calm down..and assured me that my parents were ok...That's me...

So, why am I posting about rain? Don't get me wrong..I'm not going to write anything mellow here...Actually, I wanna post some pics..and I need an excuse for that..hehehe...These are some of the pics I took sometimes ago...yup..about rain of course...Enjoy ya...

It's gonna rain soon...

You might be asked, How are you feeling?...most of the time I would only say, I'm ok..Even though, deep down in my heart, I am actually not okay..That's me, I don't share my feeling or emotions freely...and most of the time, I manage to control my emotion by just letting it goes the way it should..Works the best for me...to be silent and ignorant...

I hate emotions... You can’t control them and often they show up at the worst times.. When I say emotions I mean mainly crying or depressed.. Anger also gets in the way a lot and of course jealousy... Jealousy is the worst thing in the world. Everyone sees it.. And I generally can tell when I am jealous and I feel so foolish... Also people do really dumb stuff when they are jealous..Jealousy causes stupid fights and often untrue accusations..

Crying/depression is also a lame emotion.. I attempt to cry as little as possible, but it just doesn’t work.. I cry (well, most likely just teary) during sad movies, during romantic tragedies (that shouldn’t count as bad), when I see homeless animals/people, when someone I love is crying, and on and on.. I hate when I begin to cry and am at the same time trying to comfort someone.. But it is so wrenching when you see someone that you care about in terrible pain (and somehow my sympathy goes out to people in sad movies too, hehe…). Most of the time I can hold my tears in and generally this is when it has to do with relationships.. I want to be tough and not be seen as someone who is weak... Eventually the dam breaks though and then I am left with nothing.. I also hate those times when tears might actually do some good but I am unable to cry because I am just completely messed up — as in feeling a billion things at once...The last time I cried was 2 weeks ago..Hahaha, that was funny, we were drinking...and I was crying like someone had died...and the next morning I received a text message from my Dad that my Grandpa has passed away...a coincidence maybe...During the funeral, I didn't cry anymore, I was just teary..ya, teary...seeing my mum and other family members crying made me feel like crying too, but..I didn't...

And then there is anger… one of the most moronic and possibly, for atleast some of us, the most out of control...Your blood boils and you get so mad... Anger generally destroys everything and there is no bright side to it..I used to have very short temper..I thank God that now, I can somehow control my anger...I'm happy with my life now..Everything seems to be in control..and I'm happy I don't have to live in lies anymore....

well, anyway, I say, basically emotions are at times very unhelpful and annoying....Don't let emotions control your life...

Happy WEekends...Will be playing Ultimate Frisbee later after work with some of the O2C members..we will be doing charity visit to Seri Mengasih (down syndrome kids) tomorrow, and on Sunday, I will be volunteering in the Borneo International Marathon...Yehaaaa....

Hear my prayer Lord...

Defoo a.k.a Alvin was in KK last night, he went back to KL this morning..Defoo the BBKK taukeh..hehe..No, The Infinitez singer...I was invited to join them at Grace Point, so I made an appearance...Jason, Sumpit, Lumis, Kupi and Mamai were there, and I thought, it was going to be just us..Suprisingly 14 or was it 15 people turned up..Most of them are new to me..It was great meeting up with them..I found out that, most if not all are bloggers as well..We were chatting as if we have known each other for very long time...and somehow rather, it turned out to be bloggers and photographers meeting...hehe...Get to know Vic, the professional photographer..check out his website http://www.kdkcproduction.com/ , met Greg, who claimed himself as Tukang Kupi..and who is also very friendly and funny..Kuai and her friend..Hey, I know Kuai..I didn't recognize her at first...We took lots of pics..(I'm yet to get some pics from vic)..Nice camera you have Vic..hehe...

It was such a great feeling, getting to know the people you know from reading their blogs, or happened to be reading yours in real life...and I'm sure..this is going to be a long lasting friendship...Enjoy the pics...














all right..I'll add in some info later, I really need to go now..hehe....

I was told that my grandpa was quite alright on Saturday..my uncle was playing boxing with him and he was still reacting..but as the sun was setting, they saw my grandpa sitting on a bench in his room looking far away..and he looked very sad...The sadness in his eyes was phenomenal, as if he wanted to tell something..Since few months ago, his mind has come to the point where he could not utter an intelligible word..He would try to communicate with syallables that made no sense at all no matter how hard we tried to understand him..only my mum and her elder sister can...and, that night..He wasn't eating..when my aunt scold him, telling him that he will die if he doesn't want to eat..for the first time in many months, with eyes that sparkled with the wise knowledge he displayed as a young man, he utter a MOST intelligible sentence.. "I'm not afraid to die, I'm ready to go..my sins were already forgiven by God"...He died the next morning, on the way to the hospital..

I grew up knowing my grandpa as a great and loving person..He always seemed very accessible and was not threatening or intimidating to me as a little kid like many adults were. This is probably because he dealt with kids all day (his grandchilds and great grandchild)...one thing I remember about him is that, he has a very good workmanship..He could turn wood into nicely carved furnitures or iron into sharp and very useful 'parang'..I wasn't raised up in my mum's kg, so I didn't get to know my grandpa that much..but, I remember, I was really close to him when I was a young boy..

I was told many stories about my grandpa by my Mum..Great stories that made me admired him very much..Whenever we went home to my grandpa's last time (when I was a boy)..I would always wake early morning to follow him to his 'parang' making workshop...He would wake up as early as 4.30 or 5, and he will start making parang...My brother and I would be there helping him or disturbing him..but, he has never once raise his voice or was mad..that's the thing I love so much about my grandpa..

I remember there was one time, he gave my brother a baby buffalo..and I wanted one as well..but he said, there was only one baby buffalo, and I have to wait for the next one to come..but, being a very irritable boy I am..I cried hard, and forced him...What he did was simple...He said, I'll give you a rooster instead..This one is smaller, you can carry it around..like a pet..but that buffalo is going to stay here (in Kg), but you can take this rooster back to your house in Timbang...wow, I was really happy...and the baby buffalo problem was solved..and now, when I think of that, I can smile...how simple things were for him..

I'm gonna miss my grandpa very much..
The sweet loving grandpa that I once knew.
Is away from me, far, far away.
He’s gone away from the world,
Gone to a land with no worries
And for me he has left behind a treasure trove of memories..
May your soul rest in pace...

Some of the O2C members were in Kiulu over the past weekend..Thanks to everyone for their commitment..Many things happened..bitter sweet memories..Things that put our friendship to a test..well, it has passed..and we glad that we had the outing..I don't wish to explain further on this..Thanks to Sabas for organizing the trip and for the accommodation..I guess, it was another great and successful outing...right?

Well, the best part was..we had this, raya photoshoot..hehehe..The setting was nice..Outdoor photoshoot..Everyone got crazy..It was funny to see, how some of us put some extra efforts to look better for the photoshoot session...Before you get mistaken, we don't hire any professional photographer..It was only among us..Junior and I were the photographers..The outcome..not that bad..really...hehehe...

See them for yourself ya...













on a sad tone...My Grandpa passed away yesterday morning when I was still in Kiulu with the O2C..I was really shocked, but it was actually expected..Ever since my grandma passed away, he has always been sick..Thanks to the O2C members for coming with me to see my grandpa..I'm going back shortly to be with the rest of my family members...Seeing people crying, especially my mum is really heart breaking..I hope there'll be no more crying..The funeral is going to be tomorrow.. Tama (that' what I called my grandpa) You will be sadly missed by everyone...

I went out to this new place last night..Jade...Well, emm..It's not actually new, if you have never heard of Jade before, you might probably remember Stadium..Nope, I wasn't talking about our "famous" Stadium Likas here..I'm talking about the Upperstar-like cafe in Api2 Centre where people would normally chill out to watch football match, or simply hang around after works..Yup, it was Stadium before and now, with the new bosses, they have changed the name to Jade...

After turning off few invitations from a good friend, Alice a.k.a Alus, at last, I went there last night..Well, if it wasn't for Alvin my colleague who was desperately needing a drinking companion (ok, I made it up..joke lang aa..hehehe), I would never know when I will ever go to Jade...Anyway, Jade is a nice place to be, I remember going there once when it was still Stadium..and I don't actually remember how it looked like..When I reached Jade last night..there a few faces that I could imediately recognize..of course la, my colleague Alvin and Alice..hehe..It's a cafe and also a cozy neighborhood bar by night...The ambience is just nice..and soothing music played all night through with 2 big tv screens for those who want to watch football match...The wild pink colored toilet's walls is a standout..hehehe

When I stepped in, there were only few occupied tables..I guessed, it was Thursday night and there was no football match..That explained why Jade was quiet last night..Ow...hey, if you're running out of cash by mid of the month and are craving for some cold beers, you should go to Jade..A set of Tiger beers is incredibly reasonably priced..RM21..I think that's the cheapest you can get around town this time around, ya?...I quite like the place, not like some typical noisy bars or cafes where you have to shout when talking to your friends..I really deserve to get free drinks the next time I go there for doing free advertisement and promo here..hehe..

Alvin left after our 2nd set of beers, thankfully, Lumis and Sumpit came earlier..So we stayed for a little while more...If they didn't, I would have been very quiet..yeah, what to do..I'm a shy guy maa...Hahaha..Kavagu...The highlight for the night was the appearance of Defoo in Jade..Defoo a.k.a Alvin..the sabahan born singer of the group Infinitez..(Gangstarz) was in Jade last night to pass the BBKK shirt to Alice...and we managed to have a short photography session with this kind, humble and friendly artist...The best thing was, hehehe..let me laugh first...when Defoo came, the first thing he said was.."ni si Mesh ni kan?"..wow, how come he knew me and I didn't know him...hehehe (perasan tahap dewa ni..hehehe)..and he was supposed to meet Alice, but..it looked like..we were the one who were more excited..sorry Alus, but you got your BBKK shirt already, right? ..hehe...

I was bored..and I started taking pics of everything..hehehe..

Tiger Beer...(macam la kamu nda tau kan..haha)