Random Thoughts

I want to say thankyou.

When you have a friend who stands by you, always there for you, always supports you, how do you say thank you? When you are all alone, well, not all alone but people get tired of being there for you, you've worn them out, or you've worn yourself out, who do you turn to? How do you trust when you want to push everyone away because of the pain and yet hold them close because you're afraid to let go but no one wants you to do that?

My dogs are always there. Always. They all have their own little ways of showing it. Sisqo is calm, quiet, puts his head up to mine and just stares in my eyes. If I don't have time, that's ok, he'll wait..I thought, he was hard headed, just because he is a mixed breed..a German Shepherd and Rottweiler's blood are in his body..I thought, his temperament is unpredictable..Nonetheless, he was that cute little puppy, I carried home from Gaya Street..and I love him all so dearly..

Yukiko, my little silly girl, pushy, insistant she wants my attention, just looking at her will make you smile. She licks my tears away. She will distract me and play and bite my heels and feet until I can't resist her anymore..I can't never train her..I guess that is natural for a spitz..She would get herself dirty in mud..or wet under the rain..but, after a while..She'll be as clean as if she has just taken a shower...

And Rex, the most devoted dog I've ever had...Not actually mine..It's Junior's, but I take care of him..since Junior is working in Sandakan.. He loves me more than life itself.. I see it in his eyes every time I look at him.. He will do whatever I want, he will play and run when I'm ready but if I'm not, he will come up and lay down in my lap, just be quiet, be near me, use his body to cover me in warmth and comfort.. He gives me his strength...He truly is a wonderful friend..

Rocky, my handsome boy.. He will wait for me everyday, he is the first one to greet me by the gate..With his wagging tale, and his smiling face..(I can tell if he is smiling)..Skinny but the tallest among all..He's not bright but he's my boy, needs me to look after him. I worry about him right now..Not because he is sick..But I saw him chewing on a salted fish this evening..He got it from our generous neighbor who always throw food over the border of our house.. I hope he's ok.

And Angelo, my baby boy. My funny obsessive crazy boy..He is very smart..very adorable..His fur looks funny, and needs to be combed everyday..has big appetite but sometimes could be quite choosy..I love him so much..He makes me laugh..and makes me forget my problems..I think he could win the agility competition..Impressively, he could stand on his two feet for few seconds, and watching him standing like that just melts my heart...

And lastly..Bobbie..Who has lost to me forever because of a freak accident..I should have been more careful...He is so smart, and he was actually my first baby...He used to go to sleep everynight next to me with me scratching his belly. Now that he's gone..I'm still thinking of him every now and then..Wishing, if only he is still around...I miss you Bobbie...

There are so many more dogs that were in my life, I miss them all. They have all brought such joy and life to me, they are there for me to help me through the dark hours, they smile at me and cheer me up...when others get tired of my tears and my depression, my anger and sadness, you are all there for me and love me anyway. I am ok in your eyes...I am good enough...You give me what I most desire, to be good enough.

Thank you...

this is a tribute to my dogs...If they could only read...You might think I'm crazy, but..you don't know..How much I love my doggies..so, just bear with me...