Random Thoughts

My whole life i was the one that liked taking pictures and thinking of the memories it had...eventually I notice I was like that with everything, and I almost thought the only reason I was brought into this life is to be stuck in the past... I want to move on, meet new people, make things, I want to start living...

I realized its okay to embrace the memories of the past, but not to let yourself be dictated by the “use to be’s” I realized I had to stop looking in the rear view mirror of life because it prevented me from focusing on what was ahead of me... It’s all moment to moment, but eventually it will be day to day and soon enough I will be completely free...

Since I let go and stopped living in the past, I feel so much freedom, I had forgotten what it was like to feel free...Now, I'm feeling it again..It feels like Independence Day everyday... I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me...and I feel so light, that the soft breeze can fly me away... The thing is living in the past only causes pain, because it doesn’t allow you to grow as an individual and eventually you end up losing years of your life in a relationship that had so much pain..

Living in the past was only good for a temporary moment, but it left me trapped and it was so hard to let the past go and live for today…but I thank God he released me from all of that…this one is hard for me... On one hand there are so many great things that I love about the past, friends, fun times, my childhood and i want more than anything else to be back in that time...On the other hand there are a couple bad things that i just need to get over and quit obsessing about...I'm living a better life now, and as I set my head to look nowhere else but to my future...I'm excited about life..I'm excited about everything...but this is soon going to be 'in the past' as well...

For now..I just wanna cherish my life...

Have a wonderful weekends ahead...

I want to say thankyou.

When you have a friend who stands by you, always there for you, always supports you, how do you say thank you? When you are all alone, well, not all alone but people get tired of being there for you, you've worn them out, or you've worn yourself out, who do you turn to? How do you trust when you want to push everyone away because of the pain and yet hold them close because you're afraid to let go but no one wants you to do that?

My dogs are always there. Always. They all have their own little ways of showing it. Sisqo is calm, quiet, puts his head up to mine and just stares in my eyes. If I don't have time, that's ok, he'll wait..I thought, he was hard headed, just because he is a mixed breed..a German Shepherd and Rottweiler's blood are in his body..I thought, his temperament is unpredictable..Nonetheless, he was that cute little puppy, I carried home from Gaya Street..and I love him all so dearly..

Yukiko, my little silly girl, pushy, insistant she wants my attention, just looking at her will make you smile. She licks my tears away. She will distract me and play and bite my heels and feet until I can't resist her anymore..I can't never train her..I guess that is natural for a spitz..She would get herself dirty in mud..or wet under the rain..but, after a while..She'll be as clean as if she has just taken a shower...

And Rex, the most devoted dog I've ever had...Not actually mine..It's Junior's, but I take care of him..since Junior is working in Sandakan.. He loves me more than life itself.. I see it in his eyes every time I look at him.. He will do whatever I want, he will play and run when I'm ready but if I'm not, he will come up and lay down in my lap, just be quiet, be near me, use his body to cover me in warmth and comfort.. He gives me his strength...He truly is a wonderful friend..

Rocky, my handsome boy.. He will wait for me everyday, he is the first one to greet me by the gate..With his wagging tale, and his smiling face..(I can tell if he is smiling)..Skinny but the tallest among all..He's not bright but he's my boy, needs me to look after him. I worry about him right now..Not because he is sick..But I saw him chewing on a salted fish this evening..He got it from our generous neighbor who always throw food over the border of our house.. I hope he's ok.

And Angelo, my baby boy. My funny obsessive crazy boy..He is very smart..very adorable..His fur looks funny, and needs to be combed everyday..has big appetite but sometimes could be quite choosy..I love him so much..He makes me laugh..and makes me forget my problems..I think he could win the agility competition..Impressively, he could stand on his two feet for few seconds, and watching him standing like that just melts my heart...

And lastly..Bobbie..Who has lost to me forever because of a freak accident..I should have been more careful...He is so smart, and he was actually my first baby...He used to go to sleep everynight next to me with me scratching his belly. Now that he's gone..I'm still thinking of him every now and then..Wishing, if only he is still around...I miss you Bobbie...

There are so many more dogs that were in my life, I miss them all. They have all brought such joy and life to me, they are there for me to help me through the dark hours, they smile at me and cheer me up...when others get tired of my tears and my depression, my anger and sadness, you are all there for me and love me anyway. I am ok in your eyes...I am good enough...You give me what I most desire, to be good enough.

Thank you...

this is a tribute to my dogs...If they could only read...You might think I'm crazy, but..you don't know..How much I love my doggies..so, just bear with me...

The recent weekend was superb...being out in nowhere...Away from civilization...where everything is back to basic...It was tiring..especially the trek down and uphill..only to be surprised by a stream of water and not up to my expectation kinda waterfall...but nonetheless, it was fun..At least, now..I'm positive..Mount Kinabalu is just a piece of cake..Hahaha...For more stories or maybe Pics..Check out Gidong's, Lumis or the O2C's...Thanks to Mr.Clement (APARU HOLIDAYS) for inviting us...it was indeed a very rejuvenating weekend retreat...Thanks..

It was actually an unplanned trip..We were supposed to have our first caroling practice at home, but then...I received this most tempting invitation from Clement..Thanks to the O2C members who have come to join us...For those who were not able to come, don't worry, there's always next time...hehe...

bah, check out these pics...mana tau kamurang berminat mau pi sana next time...hehe..

Yang paling begaya tu pagi...Si sumpit dan si Ollen...

Right after breakfast, we had this so called community work...terpaksa naik bukit lagi mau pi tepi jalan and then moved the signboard so that it would be easier for passers by to see...


Menuju puncak...Bobby cam Roman Kapisan sudah ni..kwang3

erksss...Max..is that the best you can give...tingu si lumis, zouuuu noh diti ka boh...hehehehe


perut ka lagi tu bobby? huh!!!

Most people are insecure about at least one aspect of their personality or their body... Some people are held back in the things they do because of this... Very few people overcome their insecurities... And a very minute few have none at all...I think I’m one of them...:)

I’m not trying to boast about it, so forgive me if this comes out sounding egoistic..I'm not egoistic but I am not insecure.. I know my faults and my weaknesses... I know what I’m good at and I know where I need improvement... These things I’ve either noticed myself or others have pointed them out to me... And I acknowledge them and try to be the best I can be despite all that... I try to better myself, but sometimes you just can’t get over it, Can you??... And you don’t always have to...

Those who know me know I’m an open person.. I have an open mind and open ears and, unfortunately, an open mouth that’s open a little too often, just a little too much..sometimes... You might say I wear my heart on my sleeve... You’re probably right... I think I do.. I know it’s not a good thing... It makes me vulnerable and everyone’s aware of it... It doesn’t bother me though.. I’m not insecure about it... My heart maybe perched on my sleeve but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you tear it apart... I’m careful most of the time. I haven’t been heartbroken since my previous break-up... I'm just enjoying everything for now...I'm blessed...I'm happy...

Just what is insecurity is all about...? Well, I guess it’s the state of being subject to danger or injury... But aren’t we always? Even if you think you’re well protected with a brick wall and a body of armour, do you ever feel really safe? I think we are all susceptible to being hurt... Sooner or later you will be... One day you will break down... One day you will be vulnerable... One day you too will wear your heart on your sleeve... One day you will ache like everyone else has... That day will come... Your brick wall won’t hold up forever..need not worry about it...it's something life has yet to offer you....

but for now...my gum is aching, that excruciating pain annoys the hell out of me...and I'm not enjoying it...huhuhu

I was checking on pictures posted by people randomly on Flickr....and I found this one, I should say gawddamn simple, talented and very creative photographer...he has more than 500 pics in his flickr, most of them are potrait of his own...and I enjoyed all the pics in his photostream..I couldn't help myself but feel very envious (in a good way of course) of his talent in photography...compare to my very limited skill..huuhh!!! I just love his ideas...he makes a simple shot looks really really amazing...and he got almost hundreds of positivie comments on his pictures by PROs....I'm amazed....

I wish I could take these kind of shots....(by the way, I already asked for his permission to post his pics here)....

I can't even think of this one..it looks soooo real...

I just love it...he really know how to pose and act for the camera..ow by the way..he took this by himself...
Everyone seems to be doing this now...but don't u just love this scene?? Gambling with himself...awesome!!!!

This was taken yesterday....and that Angelo my naughty boy...
This was 5 years ago...I was still in Shah Alam...Working in a hotel...
Aahh...see, this is my second semester Diploma...blurry la coz I take pic of my picture...hehe