Random Thoughts

Unless you have a lobotomy, you will have to contend with a boatload of memories.. Some good, some bad, most mundane or neutral... The last group won’t haunt you, but the happy ones may..Sadly, they really do haunt you.. Surprisingly, negative recollections can aid your healing journey by reminding you all was not bliss.. Positive memories allow you to see why you stayed.. It’s the same old balance of light and shadow, the so called yin and yang (I don't actually really understand how it works)...A soft knock on the head... We're not sleeping on the bed of roses all the time....Shit happens...

If you notice you’re pining for the past resurrect a few unpleasant images.. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it can bolster your resolve to get through this trial.. If anger arises, it’s OK..Shout and curse... You may think rage is undesirable, but it can be constructive.. Unlike depression, anger is empowering..It motivates you to do better, to prove to the world that you are as worthy as a diamond..Yes true, you deserve more than happiness, you deserve more than everlasting happiness... Your anger lights a fire under you when you need energy to act..When you need the gut to say all the words you've been needing to say... Don’t worry, you won’t stay furious, nor will you give in to every one of your revenge fantasies...Your wrath is temporary, just like everything else on earth...Be joyful instead...

Nostalgia and sentimentality are other aspects of remembering, and you will feel their emotional tug from time to time...It hurts, they are indeed very hurtful.. Certain events, situations, and holidays may trigger them... Welcome every one, but, remember.. they were, so yesterday!!..The History..and you're living in the present situation.. Hanging on to some especially poignant images may feel like a sweet grief or a volcano of other emotions, it’s all fine... Just keep making it safe to feel everything.. Your memories will fade.. It’s natural for the present moment to supersede the past, you'll get over it.. You don’t have to work at it, it happens organically... At some point, you will be ready to live fully in the present, and leave what was behind you..

Sometimes, we unconsciously bring up memories as a way to feel attached to our old life and former partner... It’s the mind’s way of easing you into a new state..especially, if the break-up was sudden or fast.. This emotional bandage allows your psychic space to accommodate to new ways of being with yourself and in the world.. Assume you are healing every minute of every day, whether awake or asleep.. Knowing that enables you to embrace whatever comes in you way...

Rejoice...you have so much love to give and so much life to live....Our memories will remain cherished...just don't let them haunt us...May we have a peaceful life ahead...and may we find the one who will hold our hands and stand right beside us when we are weak and down, and not the one who are there only when we are happy..Hey, the present is not that bad anyway...:)

for the things that happened

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another ... unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then)... You've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on.. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends, which ultimately leads to more broken promises..

So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups.. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months.. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times )...

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce.. "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex..

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another.. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because someone has just pleasured you like never before..

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are..but we'll never actually know how they really are..

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be...And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore... It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped.. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share...It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

For me, it's all up to you...if you can stay being friend with your ex...then, you have to be ready emotionally...it won't be as easy as chewing gum...it takes a lot of courage and heartache to let everything passes by your ears and eyes while you try to convince yourself that everything's gonna be just fine, and that you don't mind at all...

Well...life is like that...

"Oh the roses are so lovely.. thank you so much, dear. So why did you give me fifteen stalks?" the girl asks. "Huh? Hmm... well just thought the bouquet look nice with fifteen." Ha you just got yourself shoot!!

The meaning of roses...the color of roses.. the number of roses each has got their meaning.. Do you know that 11 roses represent "You are my treasured one, the one I love most in my life" whereas 15 roses represent "I am truly sorry, please forgive me"?

Now isn't that a total twist of the meaning for the roses you gave? What had meant to be a message of love has just turned into a message of apology.. implying you were guilty of something?

Today, I received 6 red roses...beautiful, even though I am not so much of a flower person, but I know if the roses are beautiful...and what does six red roses mean?..well, you find out...for now, let me just sink into the past and reminisce bout the good old times...

thanks...its such a sadly perfect closure...and we'll remain friends...the friend that I love and care always...

I’m having a really difficult time doing what I say I’m going to do... Not for others, I’m still relatively on track with that.. Not perfect, far from it, but better than I am with myself.. I never do what I promise myself..and that's a shame..

Me and myself, we’re always planning to improve things, set things right. We’re going to do meditate, exercise, write, read, file stuffs.. I have a long wistful list scribbled on my yellow pad.. I’ve even broken everything down into hourly pockets to make sure everything fits..

I write all of this down, I believe myself and then I walk away. I get distracted.. Someone needs this NOW, someone I love is having a nervous breakdown, there is always one of those.. And the day goes and at the end of it there is nothing.. Just my list.. I haven’t done one of the things, not one..

Over time I have learnt to trust myself less than my most capricious acquaintances... Never has anyone let me down as much as I, myself.. I have got, so I simply don’t believe in anything I say...

So I’m changing that. I’m making a spreadsheet. Now!!... It will have two headings under every day: 1. What I did not do and 2. What I did do.

That’s it....

Not what I should have done or what I promise to do. No judgment. Only observation...


I real slap on the face to make me stay wide awake...I’m going to ‘see’ what happens...

I wrote this one in my facebook notes sometimes ago....and I wish to share it here..

I should say..now, its a slap on my face....I feel like a hypocrite..but, hey..I know myself....:)

For many of us, love begins with deep passion, romance, and hot steamy sex (well, it doesn't have to include sex all the time, though). This is what I call the first stage of love, the euphoric stage..the stage when you think that you're walking on cloud 9, or on a field where the pastures are greener..everything is sweet, every song is melodious, you guessed, it was PERFECT... You are together all the time, love everything about each other, see no faults in one another, and cannot seem to keep your hands off each other...and you say "my endless love", or could it be your theme song?... As time goes by, you get to know one another..Every single thing about each other.. The party manners disappear, and you begin to see that your loved one is not so perfect, after all... This is the point where, if you are expecting perfection in another person, you will become disenchanted, and the relationship will end..*sigh*... You cannot expect perfection in anyone, including yourself... If you do, you are living your life in fantasy, and always will be disappointed...Even thinking about this is disappointing enough already...

Contemplate this for a moment...you have just met the person of your dreams.. You are attracted to this person physically and emotionally.. he or she has a great sense of humor, is affectionate, romantic, and a fabulous lover..and your eyes are set on him/her... Your new partner does all the right things, pushes all the right buttons, and you have.... gosh!!! I hate this phrase... fallen head over heels in love with him/her.... One day, your perfect, remarkable partner begins to irritate you.. You may discover that this person is a slob and not that special, after all...and all of a sudden, you cannot stand being in his or her place because it's such a pig pen..it's nauseating and irritating to the core..whatever you may wanna call it... One day you notice that your once-flawless love, who has run out of clean underwear, goes to the laundry hamper to retrieve a slightly less soiled pair... You go into the bathroom to find it flooded with water from the shower, his razor stubble, or her make-up and toothpaste, lining the sink.. To top it all off, if it is a man in question, he left the lid up or did not flush the toilet. So do you dump this person? Based on my experiences in life, I do not think you should....

This is an extreme example, but it could happen... Love will reach a stage where you will begin to notice your partner's shortcomings..the imperfections in him/her...all things that you may have overlooked before... So what do you do? Do you give up? Relationships end for many at this point, because the fantasy has been shattered... He or she is not that perfect, after all. When you come to this point, you have graduated to the next stage of relationship.. It's a challenge, an invitation, to achieve a new level of intimacy with your partner... Many of us choose, at this point, not to communicate our needs or feelings, but rather to detour into anger, and obvious mere mortals special trait.. Out of fear, some of us repress our feelings... In many cases, we just plain run as fast as we can and jump over the rainbow if we could... Aah...these are all just normal human reactions, when faced with this awakening... Should you choose to be angry, or if you choose to repress your feelings or to run, you are missing the opportunity to rise to the next level of intimacy...Many, wouldn't be able to think straight....

The so called endless love ends.... it is a time when your brain starts having more input than your hormones... When euphoric love ends, you have come to a stage in the relationship where you are thinking seriously about a future with your partner... Questions come to mind, such as, Can I live with this person, the way he/she is right now?, Do I want to share the rest of my life with this person?..These are big questions, and they tend to elicit fear.. The fear is totally normal, but it catches many of us off guard.. Many of us take this fear as a sign that the relationship is not meant to be..It was but a mistake..or perhaps, was it just a stupid infatuation??... In reality, this fear is a reflection of how important your relationship is becoming... When we start to consider a future that includes our partner, we tend to look at them more critically... While this is natural, it's important not to forget the positives that brought you together in the first place...You should celebrate this stage in your relationship... it's a sign of growth, a love relationship on the rise... Remember, the art of loving is a lifelong commitment...and I wanna remind myself of that from time to time... It is the further development of learning.. to love ourselves, our partner, and all those around us..(sounds like something that I could not accomplish)....

If you and your partner decide to commit to the further development of your relationship, you need to know that this is when the real work begins.. Love cannot sustain itself... It requires patience, confidence, discipline, concentration, faith, and practice daily.. These are words for us to remember..Relationships change continually... As relationships grow, the level of commitment increases and the love matures... Mature love does not occur overnight.. It develops over time, and requires that you give of yourself some times.....

and who am I again to talk about these stuffs.....a mere human being...just a thought I think worth sharing with everyone....Love and be loved...:P

So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)

This blog ain’t dead yet...I’ve just been pretty occupied, I will get back regularly when i get a sense of normality some time soon...and I mean, no sooner than now...Hehe...Gosh, here I go again...that was what I said in my last post, right?..haha...bear with me..I'm really coming back this time...and I will feed you everyday with my random thoughts....(I wish...)

We hear a lot about “dead blogs” on the internet, or even “one post blogs”... I guess I just don’t want to conform to those neo-clichés...It is tough, admittedly, writing to an extremely minimal audience, wondering why your blog hasn’t become the next big thing on the net.. Hoping that suddenly your post views will shoot up into the thousands.. That someone will actually listen..

well, seriously..I really don't mind at all...this time, I'll write more..this is not another hiatus alert...I'm back to blogging again...and this time it is intended to share the new journey that I am undertaking....will be back for more posts..I promise...

The struggle continues...the hiatus is over...

So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)

This blog ain’t dead yet...I’ve just bee pretty occupied, I will get back regularly when i get a sense of normality some time soon...and I mean, no sooner than now...Hehe...

So it’s been over three months since I’ve posted here...or, maybe more than three months... Marvelous job I’ve been doing about keeping up with a blog that’s supposed to be something like an online portfolio, eh? However, I’ve decided not to delete everything and start fresh... That would be inherently dishonest (and also stupid for deleting that which I have not saved).. Instead, I shall simply press on with my renewed desire to keep this damn thing up to date...:)

Lets start with a smile..a real genuine smile...:)