Random Thoughts

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Sitting here, basically not doing anything for the moment.. Have been keeping myself busy lately, just to keep myself occupied, but then.. I realized.. For what? I'm sure I'm not in the running of becoming this organization's Best Employee of the month.. Nor I'm in the running of becoming...whateverfuckitis.. I, as far as I'm concern, am a quite organize person.. I always set my priorities and strive to achieve them.. Recently, I think, I'm not half the man that I used to be anymore.. I feel like I'm falling and shattered into little pieces.. I hate being fragile and vulnerable like this.. So, I'm gonna hold my head up high.. And gonna say FTW wtf.... Life is too short to be burdened by your own invention of problems..

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Things are getting worse for me these days.. Everything seems to be falling apart, and I can see pieces of what used to be a strong and solid relationship being blown away by the softest breeze passing by.. What happened? this used to be filled with lots of over glaring colors, now it is slowing fading to black and white.. Not that I, or we didn't do anything to keep it going, or nor did we just let everything passes by unnoticed.. Despite all the shortcomings that we currently experience, we manage to get through everything.. Always.. but, now.. It's getting obvious that we are just trying so hard when we know things aren't getting better between us.. As I lie down alone at the attic, trying to figure out what went wrong.. memories of the past came rushing in.. and I smiled..

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Unless you have a lobotomy, you will have to contend with a boatload of memories.. Some good, some bad, most mundane or neutral... The last group won’t haunt you, but the happy ones may..Sadly, they really do haunt you.. Surprisingly, negative recollections can aid your healing journey by reminding you all was not bliss.. Positive memories allow you to see why you stayed.. It’s the same old balance of light and shadow, the so called yin and yang (I don't actually really understand how it works)...A soft knock on the head... We're not sleeping on the bed of roses all the time....Shit happens...

If you notice you’re pining for the past resurrect a few unpleasant images.. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it can bolster your resolve to get through this trial.. If anger arises, it’s OK..Shout and curse... You may think rage is undesirable, but it can be constructive.. Unlike depression, anger is empowering..It motivates you to do better, to prove to the world that you are as worthy as a diamond..Yes true, you deserve more than happiness, you deserve more than everlasting happiness... Your anger lights a fire under you when you need energy to act..When you need the gut to say all the words you've been needing to say... Don’t worry, you won’t stay furious, nor will you give in to every one of your revenge fantasies...Your wrath is temporary, just like everything else on earth...Be joyful instead...

Nostalgia and sentimentality are other aspects of remembering, and you will feel their emotional tug from time to time...It hurts, they are indeed very hurtful.. Certain events, situations, and holidays may trigger them... Welcome every one, but, remember.. they were, so yesterday!!..The History..and you're living in the present situation.. Hanging on to some especially poignant images may feel like a sweet grief or a volcano of other emotions, it’s all fine... Just keep making it safe to feel everything.. Your memories will fade.. It’s natural for the present moment to supersede the past, you'll get over it.. You don’t have to work at it, it happens organically... At some point, you will be ready to live fully in the present, and leave what was behind you..

Sometimes, we unconsciously bring up memories as a way to feel attached to our old life and former partner... It’s the mind’s way of easing you into a new state..especially, if the break-up was sudden or fast.. This emotional bandage allows your psychic space to accommodate to new ways of being with yourself and in the world.. Assume you are healing every minute of every day, whether awake or asleep.. Knowing that enables you to embrace whatever comes in you way...

Rejoice...you have so much love to give and so much life to live....Our memories will remain cherished...just don't let them haunt us...May we have a peaceful life ahead...and may we find the one who will hold our hands and stand right beside us when we are weak and down, and not the one who are there only when we are happy..Hey, the present is not that bad anyway...:)